“The others will hold him accountable.”
“Why do they do this?” I ask. These Drak’yn men are volatile, including mine. Why would they put them in this situation, making them stand in a hall while their own walk by
“To develop and maintain discipline. We are forced to partake in community rituals even when we have no loved ones in the community. And we are forced to keep each other in line because control is the most important skill of our role.”
“Will you be punished? For attacking him?”
“No. His threats were more than enough to justify my aggression. We are beasts as much as men, even the priestesses know this. They do not punish us for defending what is ours.”
What is his. Me. I am his property.
“You… They didn’t expect you to win when you fought for me. Did they?” I’m piecing together bits of the information I’ve gathered. Ivar was his previous commander. It surprised them all that he challenged him.
“No, they did not.”
“Why did you do it?” I’ve asked a similar question before.
It had nothing to do with you.
“Some answers are more complicated than they are worth explaining,” he says instead. “I chose you. And I stand by that choice. That is what matters.”
So, he’s protecting me and keeping me simply because he feels obligated? Even though he chose me only to challenge his superior?
He’s right, though. It shouldn’t matter.
He is not mine. And I am not his, not really. Not once I make my way out of here.
Because I will. One way or another, I will.
But first, I will have to accept my fate trapped in these halls.
For the next hour, I will believe that I will never escape this place.
To my surprise, the moment I let that truth settle over my bones I feel a sense of relief but also sorrow. It is comforting here. There is good food and people I could eventually consider friends. There is warmth and, well, some form of safety.
But in order to accept that fate, I must give up hope.
I close my eyes. No, I can’t fully give up. It’s not who I am. One day, I will see Astella again. I must believe that to survive.
So, I create a new hope to dwell on.
I imagine our reunion, but in my mind’s eyes, Astella is no longer a little girl. She is a woman. She is with her family. She is safe and happy without me.
The girl in the dungeon will accept my Drak’s gift of food before her terrible demise. I will mourn her. The injustice of her death will linger in my bones and in my mind for years to come.
Those are the truths I let settle. That is what I’ll hold on to for now.
Because if I fail to keep my hope in check, they’ll know it.
And both my Dread and I will be doomed.
47
Lina
My Dread will give the girl the roll. She will have a full belly tonight. I will stay in my den and eat the wonderful food and make friends. I will be here for a long while.
Astella is out there somewhere. And I will see her one day.
