Still, those thoughts filter in more often than I’d care to admit.I need to prove them all wrong.
But how?
Can I justify killing nine innocent people to save one?
Does it make me a bad person to even consider it?
Allowing my sister to remain enslaved is even more inconceivable than the terrible thing I must do to save her.
Does it make me a terrible person that I would?
I would kill to save her. I would destroy my own soul for her if that’s what I had to do.
But there has to be another way. Right?
7
Power at my Fingertips
In the last two days since I received my own inner circle list,more and more, I’m feeling suffocated here, doing nothing.
I’m researching, sure. I’m studying High Orizian. I’m learning what I can about that culture. I’m studying potions theories. I read throughArt of War.
Those things are not getting me any closer to uncovering a way to save my sister without a terrible immoral act. I can’t keep doing nothing.
I’ve considered my conversation with Manuela several times.
Part of me is hoping to use her offer of help to get me some freedom without putting Jarron at risk, but then again, there was something off about that conversation.
Some undercurrent I couldn’t grasp.
Manuela may have an inside link to the Cosmic Council? And if so, that means I can’t trust her, right?
I stare absently at the flickering flames of the fire in the speakeasy hearth when someone sits beside me on the velvet cushions.
“I have something to lift your spirits,” Thompson says, voice uncharacteristically soft. He’s been off too for the last few weeks.
Can he tell I’m in my feels today? That I’m contemplating drastic action to get out of this rut I’ve agreed to enter.
“Oh?” I ask.
“Want to see it now?” he asks. “Or did you want to be alone a while longer?”
I press my lips together as I consider. As much as it’s difficult to muster the energy to stand, let alone pretend to be excited about whatever new “surprise” he has for me, I should do something. Anything other than this. Something to kick me out of this fog I’ve fallen into this morning.
I force myself to stand.
“It’ll be worth it. Promise.” He grins.
“If you say so.”
“Best news you’ve had since Jarron left.”
My heart lifts, and he must notice the spark of hope in my eyes because his shoulders sink a little. “Not quite as good as Jarron coming back, but second best, I’m sure of it.”
My lips twist. “All right. Let me be the judge of that.” I nudge him with my elbow.
I follow him out of the speakeasy. Several sets of eyes stop to watch as we pass by. I get less of the weird attention here in Elite Hall than I did in the main halls of the school before, but it’s still there. It’s been a bit worse since my inner circle reveal.
