She nibbled her lip, suddenly finding another reason to fret.
Did he now think her too forward? She was setting rules, refusing to consider their arrangement permanent, and yet wanting this intimacy often. How often was too often? What was not often enough?
Since her head was still resting on his chest, she felt his rumble of laughter. “Octavian, why are you laughing?”
“Because you are fretting over nothing. Only you would be worried about the terms of our intimacy. I’m a man, Syd. If you want to get naked and give me your body, I am not going to refuse you. If you want me to get naked and allow you to explore my body, have at it.”
“You would allow this? Even with my rules?”
“Even with your rules. There is no right or wrong number of times we engage in…giving each other pleasure or how we choose to do it,” he said with that uncanny ability to read her mind. “How far we go is up to you. If you want limits, then there shall be limits. That’s all there is to it.”
“What if one of us wants to do more and the other one doesn’t?”
“I am not going to force you to do anything you are not ready to do, Syd. We will figure it out at that time.”
“You make it sound so easy,” she grumbled, because if it really was as simple as he made it out to be, then why were her parents so horrible to each other?
“It is easy because we are sensible people who care about each other and have the wisdom to deal with their differences intelligently.”
“You think I am sensible?”
His chest shook as another rumble of laughter escaped him. “Yes, Syd. I think you will come to the right decision…although it won’t be without giving me a headache or two along the way, because that is you. In turn, I’m sure I will give you a headache or two because that is me. We are both obstinate when we want to be. But our marriage will be unbreakable as long as we are understanding and forgiving of each other.”
“I would add another caveat, that it shall not be one of us always doing the taking and forcing the other to do all the forgiving.”
“It won’t happen, Syd. Stop fretting about it. I would not call either of ustakers.”
“But I took everything tonight and gave you nothing in return.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Are you referring to my neglected male parts? We’ll address that next time or the time after. Whenever you are ready. Seeing you respond to my touch was pleasure enough for me tonight. You gave me that, and it is no small thing on your part.”
“Because I trust you.”
“I know.”
Syd listened to the rain pelt their window.
She fell asleep to the pitter-patter against the panes and the steady rise and fall of Octavian’s chest against her cheek. Her last memory before she dozed off was of the gentle stroke of his hand as he ran his fingers through her hair to caress her.
Let this be our life.
Please.
Please.
Don’t take this away from me.
The sun was shining by the time Syd awoke the following morning. She sat up, noticed Octavian’s side of the bed was empty, and hastily gathered the sheet around her body. Neither of them had bothered to put on nightclothes before falling asleep, and she was not used to sleeping naked. It helped to have Octavian’s big, warm body beside her during the chill of the rainy night.
But their lack of clothing was still embarrassing.
She could have tossed on a shift or nightgown afterward.
She wiped the sleep from her eyes and then realized she must have slept quite soundly because Octavian was already washed, shaved, and dressed in his uniform.
He smiled at her. “Good morning.”
She smiled back. “Good morning. You look rather marvelous this morning.”
