My eyes shot to him, briefly meeting his steel gaze.Shit. Had ten seconds already passed? I hurried forward, ducking and leaping over branches that seemed to almost reach for me as I approached them. Half of those who’d gone before me had already completed this portion by the ten second mark, and the end still remained out of sight. I stumbled over roots and rocks jutting from the soggy ground before the trees parted ways, revealing the next obstacle.
“Fifteen seconds!” Barrett shouted.
My eyes shot to him as I slid to a stop at the edge of the first segment.
“Don’t focus on the time! Focus on the obstacles!” Vincent called from behind me, though I couldn’t see him through the trees. “Master the course first. Then, you can focus on your times!”
I turned my gaze back to what lay before me, across the barrage of more trees grown at odd angles to form countless hurdles and objects to maneuver around and over. Ropes hung from low branches, and I could faintly see some strung across the muddy earth where pits had been dug. I hadn’t seen it from where we stood, but I’d been curious as to why those who went before me had been covered in mud. Some carried the wet earth on their boots and pants, while others had been covered head to toe in the stuff.
You’re wasting time.
I shot forward, not letting the voice phase me, her venomous hiss seeming disappointed in the pace I’d set—already off to a far slower start than the others. The first hurdle was easy—a slanted wall—but each one I cleared became more and more difficult, my stamina depleting quicker than I anticipated, my heart racing.
A grunt burst from my throat as I launched myself over another, and I gasped as my shin met a hidden taut rope before I crashed into the muddy pit before me. A collection of groans echoed from the ledge high above where the others waited. I grimaced as I pushed myself up, spitting clumps of mud onto the ground as I braced myself on my hands and knees for a moment, panting.
Shit. This was ridiculous. What were the other recruits thinking seeing how poorly I was doing? What would they think of Damien for bringing me into this? I was supposed to be the reincarnation of their queen, the daughter of their goddess, yet here I was, covered in mud, far slower than any of them. Could I even complete this course?
They’re watching.
The voice hissed in the darkest recesses of my mind, coiling around my thoughts.
They think you’re weak. They think you’re slow, that you’re flawed. You’re a failure. How can they find hope in something so broken?
My hands balled into fists in the mud, but I didn’t listen to it, didn’t allow it a chance to sink its fangs in. I didn’t care; I couldn’t let this beat me. Irefusedto let this beat me. I wiped the mud from my face as best I could and pushed myself up, trudging through the deep sludge until I climbed out of the pit and grabbed hold of the rope to swing across the next one, my arms burning under my weight.
My feet finally met solid ground again on the other end of the pits, and I found myself hopeful as I looked to the next segment. The air had grown colder with my training gear now wet, and I let out a shaky breath as shivers broke out over my skin.
“Thirty seconds!” Barrett called out. I hadn’t even heard the twenty second mark nor the twenty fifth over the all-consuming venomous words that clouded my thoughts.
I wasn’t even to the halfway mark, and it irritated me as my mind felt the need to remind me of two recruits who’d finished the entire course in that amount of time.
Weak.
“Shut up,” I bit out in a harsh whisper as I shook my trembling hands of the residual mud and started for the narrow path that wound up the steep side of the mountain, leading to the third obstacle. My heart pounded painfully in my chest.
Halfway there. I could do this. I just needed to pace myself. Breathe.
My boots squelched with each soggy step as I reached the narrow path. Chest heaving, I inspected it. It was too tight to take head on, so I’d have to skirt my way along the stone face of the mountain. I hurried along the path, back pressed against the stone as I slid each step along the edge. At first, it wasn’t bad, but as I grew higher and higher, the distance to the ground turned dizzying. I’d never thought I was fearful of heights, but sitting precariously at the edge of a ten-foot drop, a fifteen-foot drop, higher and higher… I stopped looking.
Foolish. Perhaps you will die and spare them the trouble.
I opened my mouth to respond, but a gasp replaced the words as a rock slid from beneath my boot, and I grasped for anything I could as I fell back against the wall.
“Cas?” Damien shouted.
“I’m fine!” I called back, unable to see where he was or what he was doing as my trembling fingers clung to the sharp edges of rock at my back, my eyes clamped shut. As soon as I could get my shaking body back under control, I continued up the path.
I let out a ragged exhale as I stumbled onto a wider, flat expanse of rock and soil. Time wasn’t on my side, but I took a moment to slow my racing heart, ever aware of the possibility of pushing myself too far. Maybe I couldn’t complete the course in record time, but I would complete it regardless. I had to.
“Forty seconds!” Barrett shouted from above, and I cursed, wanting to shove the damned stopwatch into his mouth to shut him up.
We could do it, make him eat his words. Make him bend.Make him break.
I didn’t give the voice the satisfaction of a response, hoping if I didn’t respond it might finally shut up and leave me alone. It wasn’t as if he were doing it to pick on me. He’d done it for all the recruits, helping them keep track of their pacing. It was an annoying reminder of my shortcomings, though.
My eyes rose to the massive rock wall before me. I’d barely call it a rock wall. It was nothing like the ones I watched others climb growing up, lacking the colored stones to grasp onto. I had to either find edges and chips in the mountain face, or I’d fall, and there were no harnesses, nothing to keep me from falling ten to fifteen feet to the hard ground.
For an immortal to fall that far might only result in minor injuries. For me... I couldn’t let myself think like that. There were magic users who might step in, might help lessen the impact for Damien’s sake, but I didn’t want to rely on that possibility as a crutch. I wouldn’t be afforded that safety net in the real world if I ever hunted darklings at Damien’s side.
