‘Thank you.’ Eden’s eyes filled with tears. Drew had no idea how much his words helped and she couldn’t stop herself from leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek. It was about as chaste as kisses came, but somehow it still made her lips tingle.
‘Thank you, Drew. I’m so glad we met.’ She didn’t want him to feel like he had to say anything in response, so she didn’t leave a gap for him to speak. ‘But we’d better hurry up or we’ll be the last to the party, and Gwen will probably have our names down for beach volleyball, or something crazy she’s come up with, like a limbo competition.’
Eden turned back towards the path and started walking again. Part of her wanted to ask Drew whether he still thought his mother’s dream of him getting married and settling down was as unlikely as he’d made it sound, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.
* * *
As Eden had suspected, the party was already in full swing by the time they got there. Once upon a time, before her relationship with Jesse, she’d have thrown herself right into the thick of things. She wouldn’t have been afraid to walk up to people she didn’t know well and join in with their conversations, or introduce herself to people she’d never met before. Jesse had changed all of that. He didn’t like her talking to other people, and he would sulk and accuse of her of all kinds of things. He was so good at twisting the truth that in the end she almost believed she had been inappropriate. He’d told her on multiple occasions that she’d embarrassed herself and everyone else with the way she’d been acting. In the end she didn’t trust herself to read social situations any more, and she wondered if that was how Drew felt. He’d told her how difficult he’d found university at first, and the self-imposed isolation that had finally led to his diagnosis.
Looking at him now, she’d never have believed he found it so hard, because there were a circle of people around him who appeared to be hanging off his every word. It might have had something to do with Gwen loudly introducing him as a pathologist, who worked for the police as well as the hospital. It was the kind of job that fascinated people and Drew seemed to be in his comfort zone when he was talking about work. He’d told her it was small talk he struggled with the most, but she could hear him now talking to Isla and her partner, Reuben, about a case he’d been involved with. He could only discuss it because the trial he’d presented his findings to was already over. Eden had barely focused on the conversation going on around her, because she was too busy listening in to what Drew was saying, and it made her jump when Aidan suddenly prised her glass out of her hand.
‘I can imagine what you might see in him.’ Aidan topped up Eden’s glass with champagne as he spoke and passed it back to her. ‘I’m a very happily married man, but I’ve always found intelligence to be an aphrodisiac and everything Drew says sounds clever.’
‘Oh that’s charming isn’t it, you used to say I was the cleverest man you knew.’ Jase shot his husband a look of mock outrage, but then he smiled and gave himself away. He wasn’t remotely threatened and Eden had a strong suspicion that the two of them ribbed each other all the time. What Aidan said next immediately proved her right.
‘I used to think like that, my darling, but that was before your main topics of conversation centred around the colour and consistency of our baby’s poo, or whether five pages of instructions are enough for your parents to be able to look after Ellis, despite raising two children of their own. I’m sure they really needed reminding not to leave her unattended on the kitchen worktop. We better ramp it up when she gets a bit older, otherwise they might let her play with a knife block instead of a shape sorter.’
‘I’m not that bad.’ Jason pulled a face, but then he laughed again. ‘Alright so I’m a baby bore, but Ellis is far too clever for her own good and she’s already turning herself over. The way she’s babbling, she’ll be talking before we know it too and then I’ll have both of you bossing me around.’
‘What are you hoping her first word will be. Daddy or Papa?’ Eden knew the names Aidan and Jase had chosen for themselves and she did her best not to let her voice betray the tightness in her throat. She’d have given the world for Teddie to say anything, and she tried not to think too much about the possibility that he never would.
‘Let’s just say I’ve heard Jase coaching her by repeating Papa over and over again, when he thinks I’m not listening.’
‘Don’t turn it into a competition.’ Gwen suddenly appeared out of nowhere. ‘Because, trust me, as soon as she starts talking, it’ll be Daddy this and Papa that non-stop. Don’t rush through all the stages, they each have their own magic. The connection in the way your child looks at you before they learn to speak is something that’s never quite the same once they start talking.’
She caught Eden’s eye for a moment, an understanding passing between them that needed no words. Gwen had told Eden about her magic act, and sometimes she wondered if it might not be an act at all. If it wasn’t magic, then Gwen must at least be able to read minds. She seemed to know just what advice to give, even when it hadn’t been asked for.
‘You’re right, Gwen, and we are trying to treasure every moment.’ Aidan nodded, looking serious for once. ‘I said more or less the same thing to Esther and Joe about making the most of the pre-kids’ stage of their relationship too. Me and Jase know better than anyone how hard it is to think about anything else when all you want is a family, but it’s important to remember all the upsides of it just being the two of you.’
Eden hadn’t even realised that the most senior nurse on the team was trying for a family with her husband. She could see Esther and Joe now, down on the sand, playing a very energetic game of volleyball against Eve and Meg.
‘You can tell they haven’t got kids yet; they’ve certainly got more energy than any parents I know,’ Eden said, laughing at the expression that crossed Aidan’s face in response.
‘Absolutely. That’s why they’ve thrashed Wendy and Gary, and Danni and Charlie at volleyball already. They tried to get me and Jase to give them a game, or to join in with the five-a-side football match they’re organising between A&E and the mental health team, but the last thing I want to do is spend my evening off chasing balls up and down the beach.’
Jase grinned. ‘And you’ve got the cheek to say I’m the boring one.’
‘I’m sure you two don’t need any advice about playing with balls.’ Gwen’s tone was deadpan and it was impossible to know whether the innuendo was intentional or not, although they usually were when it came to Gwen. ‘But in my experience the couple that plays together stays together. If you make it a priority to have fun as a couple, you can cope with all the challenges that parenthood throws at you, as a team.’
Suddenly the tightness in Eden’s throat was back. When she’d thought about having a child with someone, long before Teddie had arrived, she’d wanted exactly the kind of partnership Gwen had just described. She’d imagined being part of a couple who parented together, a united front able to tackle whatever came along. Eden had wanted to do things so differently to her own parents, to raise a child with a stable foundation and with the guarantee that both parents would be there whenever they were needed. For a long time it had felt like she’d failed Teddie by not providing that, but as she looked up and caught another glimpse of Drew, she couldn’t help wondering if it was something else she needed to reframe. The dream she’d had of what parenthood might be like, hadn’t come true, but maybe there was a different dream out there just waiting for her to discover it.
* * *
‘Thanks so much for coming with me.’ Eden felt strangely shy as she and Drew finally managed to get some time away from everyone else at the party. She’d wanted to be on her own with him all evening, but now that she was, it felt almost too intimate. Now there was nothing stopping her from acting on the impulse she’d had to reach out for his hand, almost from the moment she’d seen him waiting outside her house, but she still wasn’t sure how he’d react if she did. They were on the concrete pier that flanked one side of the beach, a hundred metres or so away from the restaurant. The tide was still far enough out to offer up a wide stretch of sand, but she hadn’t suggested going down there, because she knew how much he hated it. There were shouts of laughter and the buzz of conversation in the distance, but it was far enough away from where they were walking to be able to hear the sound of the waves lapping against the shore too. The soft autumn light of the afternoon had faded into darkness, and the sky was filled with a blanket of stars that somehow made all her worries seem a lot smaller. She felt calmer and more content than she had in a very long time, and Drew had undoubtedly played a big part in that.
‘Thank you for asking me along. I’ve really enjoyed it.’
‘I’m glad.’
‘I didn’t expect to, but it was a nice surprise. It was good to meet some more of the staff, and it helped that we could all talk about work. I’m sure I’d have found it far more difficult to make conversation if we didn’t have the hospital in common.’ Drew stopped walking and turned towards her. ‘But this has still been the best part of the night, just talking to you.’
‘It’s been my favourite part too.’ Heat flooded her cheeks and she was glad it was probably too dark for him to tell she was blushing, but she’d wanted to be as honest with him as he was with her.
‘I was going to ask you out, before you asked me to come to the party. I’ve been wanting to do it for ages, but I kept losing my nerve. It was only when Gwen made a bet with me that I promised myself I’d do it.’
‘You have a bet with Gwen about asking me out?’ She was smiling now, imagining how that had gone down, but Drew shook his head.
‘Well not a bet exactly, more of a forfeit if I didn’t do it. She knew I kept losing my nerve, so she said I had to join in with a belly dancing class if I wimped out again.’
