I chewed on my lip. “But it is about another man.”
“Son of a bitch,” she sighed. “Look, just tell me what this has to do with you breaking into my shop.”
“Promise you won’t laugh.”
“You know I won’t. Spill it.”
“Hey, I’m serious. Remember when you called me freaking out because a demon popped out of your cupcakes or something and I didn’t judge you, despite how crazy it sounded? Nor did I judge you when you kept dating that demon?”
“It was the frosting, but continue.”
“Right, well, last night I met a demon of my own. But he left before I could ask for his number or scroll or whatever it is you use to talk to Kain. So…”
“So?”
“So I need to get on the naughty list so Krampus comes back and spanks me real good. There. I said it. Happy?”
The phone fell silent, followed by a snort before Daisy burst with laughter. “Krampus? You broke into my shop to get dicked down by evil Santa?”
“He’s fucking hot, ok?” I held the phone away from my face to avoid her deafening howls of laughter. “Just for that, I’m gonna rob you for real.”
“Wait, wait!” she cried in between giggles. “I’ll pull it together, I swear. Ok, phew! Alright, I’ve got a few hours before I head to my folks for Christmas, catch me up to speed.”
I walked around the counter to sit on the stool by the register. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see a text from my sister.
* * *
She Who Shall Not Be Named: Hey, mom is pissed you chickened out of dinner. If you’re going to be that much of a grinch about Nana’s old decrepit house you can just have the damn thing. I’ll get the title transferred to you after the holidays. Don’t say I never did anything for you.
* * *
Even in defeat, she’s still a bitch. I tucked the phone back in my pocket, deciding to deal with it later. There were more important matters at hand after all. “Long story short, I broke into Nana’s house last night-”
“You’re really into the B&E’s this week,” Daisy interrupted.
“I had good reasons!”
“Did your good reason involve stuffing shrimp in the floorboards? I thought you were joking about that.”
“Daisy.”
“I’m sorry, you are a beacon of logic and reasoning. Continue.”
“As I was saying, I broke in to enact my revenge against Charlotte, but then Krampus showed up to punish me. But, plot twist Daisy, are you ready for this?”
“Edge of my seat, girl.”
“He’s a man wholistens.”
“Marry him.”
“Ok good, now you see what I’m working with. Not only did he listen, he sided with me and helped me scare the ever loving shit out of Louis and Charlotte so they’d abandoned the house. Then he fucked me real good and just left! Just showed me the true meaning of Christmas with his dick and left. Now I’m trying to get back on his naughty list so he comes back. And that’s why I broke into your bakery. Which…sorry about that.”
“Eh, it’s fine. Nothing broken. I don’t see any horned Santa’s in my shop, though. So I’m guessing it didn’t work?”
“No,” I said petulantly. “Maybe I should rob a bank or something.”
“Follow up question. Instead of turning to a life of crime, have you considered dating apps?”
