That seems to stop him cold.
“I’ve scared you.” I hold my hand out for him to shake. “Perhaps I’ve said enough. If you can’t love me back, then let’s part before things—”
“But I do love you back!” He scratches his head in frustration. I’m afraid he might rip his beautiful hair out. “That’s the problem. I want this and I’m scared of it all at the same time.”
“What if we could be together forever?” I ask the question without thinking it through.
“No one can be together forever. That’s just fantasy. Just likeweare a fantasy. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe we’re not all meant tolove and be loved. Being a good son is enough for me. Taking care of Mother and giving her grandchildren she can help raise and—”
“Does your brother share your concerns?”
“I am not my brother. My brother chose to leave. My brother is already engaged to some girl he hasn’t even brought by the house. He hasn’t introduced her to Mother. It makes me feel sick when I think of how thoughtless that is.”
“And yet your mother has met me.” I smile impishly. “So if everwebecome engaged—”
“That’s a fantasy for another world. A better one.”
“And who creates this world we live in?” I take a hold of his shoulders. I feel dizzy as I gaze into his eyes. “We do. We make the world. Men and women. People. We make the rules.”
“You see, this is why you have to leave. You put these ideas in my head...” He closes his eyes.
“The ideas were already there in your head before me. I first began to fall for you before we officially met. Do you know why?”
“Why?” He opens his eyes. Dares me to give him a good answer.
“You were with your cousin and his friends. They were doing what boys do, turning the sincere into the frivolous, having fun. And you were brave enough to say that you wanted more than a little fun. That you wanted—”
“Love.” He smiles. Remembering that moment. Those more innocent times.
“You didn’t let Jack’s quips stop you from expressing your truest self. You said you had love to give. You said you wanted your life to feel like music and poetry, like an endless concerto. You were brave. And clear. You were—you are... magnificent.”
He blinks rapidly. “How do you remember all that?”
“Because I’ve always wanted the same thing. You made me feelseen. Understood. Not alone. I wasn’t sure I would love you then, but I’m sure now. I love you. I want to give you a life that feels like the endless concerto of your dreams.”
“I want the same thing.” He shakes his head. “But it’s impossible. Wrong place. Wrong time. If we just lived in some better future—”
“Is that what you want?”
“Of course it is. But we don’t. This has to be goodbye.”
He pulls me close. Kisses me. Our tongues throb with desperation. With need. I’m breathless as I pull away. I want more of him. All of him. I kiss him again. It feels like we’re enveloped by steam.
I pull away and take in the glory of his face. “That felt more like hello than goodbye.”
“I love you. So much. But please go before Mother comes home.”
“You hadn’t said you love me before today.”
“Well, I do.” He fixes his gaze on me. “Now will you leave?”
“If that’s what you want. I guess this is goodbye, then?” I turn around, slowly, giving him time to change his mind.
The birds keep singing outside. He calls out to me. “Wait!”
I turn to face him. “What is it?”
“What do you imagine they’re saying?” His eyes wander to the window. “The birds.”
