“I would love that but it’s not a good idea. I’m fine. Today was better than I expected. I’m really glad you’re coming to the game. That’s all I need. To know you’re there.” He opened the door, phone to his ear and saw Coach. Waving him in, he lifted one finger.
“Okay. I am.”
“You’re what?”
“I’m here. And I’ll be there.”
He smiled, words churning in his brain that he knew he’d needto get out sooner or later. One step at a time. “I have to go. See you tomorrow.”
“Night, Nick.”
He hung up, stared at his screen for a minute then turned to see Coach had shut the door behind himself.
“Your sister?”
Nick’s cheeks felt warm and he wondered if they went red—which was messed up since he was thirty-four years old—because Coach arched his brows and threw him a knowing smile.
“Not your sister,” he said, going over to the desk chair and pulling it out. “Sit down, Nick.”
Nick sat on the end of the bed, and even though Coach was smiling, his stomach tightened. He kept his phone in his hand, forced his other to stay loose.
“What’s up?”
“You did good today. You haven’t missed a step despite the injuries.”
Nick kept his breath even. “Yeah. I kept up with training and workouts. My knee feels good.”
“How’s the stuff we can’t see, Nick?”
His throat went dry, his pulse stuttering. “I dressed. Got on the ice. Had a good practice.”
“You did.” Coach kept looking at him, straight in the eyes, measuring him, reading him because he could. This man had been there for him countless times. He’d pushed him to be the best version of himself and kept his secret when Nick felt like he couldn’t be. “Back in my day, mental health wasn’t something we talked about, Nick. If I’m honest, it’s not even something I’ve talked about much in the last ten years of my career. But Ellory doing advanced research in sports therapy, well, it’s opened my eyes.”
Ellory was his daughter-in-law as well as Nick’s therapist. The team had a counselor, doctors, and trainers, but Nick hadn’t wantedto see the team psychologist. Coach hadn’t even asked—just sent him Ellory’s contact.
“I appreciate your help with all this, Coach.” The words burned the back of his throat. If anyone deserved honesty, it was this man.
Coach nodded. “I meant what I said, Nick. Your mind is part of your body. If it’s off, so are you. But you seem good out there and I just want you to know, regardless of what happens next, what happens tomorrow night, I’m proud of you. For a lot more than I can say.”
Nick stood abruptly. “I’m going to retire.” Fuck. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out. Why hadn’t he said it to Maisie first?Because you know when you know and it wasn’t until this second, you knew.Sort of like with Maisie and him. He just knew.
Coach stared up at him, his jaw flexing. The seconds felt like hours as Nick kept staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Slowly, Coach stood. Even slower, he walked to Nick, stopped in front of him, then reached out and put a hand on Nick’s shoulder, squeezed.
Coach’s gaze was bright. “Like I said, son. Proud of you. I want you on that ice tomorrow night. You’re going out, you do it right.”
Nick was shocked at the feel of tears burning his eyelids. What the ever-loving hell was that? He nodded, barely uttered the words, “Thanks, Coach,” before he was pulled into a brief, hard hug.
“Get some sleep,” Coach said, moving back and walking to the door. He didn’t even say goodbye.
Nick let out a long breath, then filled his lungs again. Out. In. One step at a time. Every step leading him exactly where he was meant to go.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
IT WAS OVER ANhour until game time but there was still an electric energy emanating from the gray cinderblock walls as a security guard led them down a hall. Lexi was at her side. Will and Ethan were behind them arguing over some player’s stats.
“You good?” Lexi asked quietly.
“Just nervous. I don’t know why. Is it possible to be nervous on someone else’s behalf?”
