She could see, though, because Levi’s eyes were like a storybook, that there was more. There was something on his mind that he wasn’t offering, so she pushed down the part of her that wanted to kiss him, pull him close like she had the right.
Learning what was within her control and what wasn’t had been a hard lesson. She couldn’t control Levi’s feelings—or her own, apparently—but she could keep them on the right path. Slow and steady, and if anything came from it, that was fine.Yeah. You’re so cool and breezy, Jill. And good at lying to yourself.
He let his fingers brush hers, like they were dancing, weaving in and out and around each other. “You’re welcome. You know I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, right?”
Whatever else she was unsure of, she knew Levi was true to his word. Letting her index finger loop his, she nodded.
“I do. And you look good, too. You always have.”
“Are you nervous, Jilly?”
She let out a high-pitched, short laugh. “Why would I be nervous?”
He inched closer. “Because you feel what’s between us?”
Her lips twitched but she shoved his chest gently. “A minute ago, I wasn’t even sure you still wanted to… explore things. You seemed off this morning when I picked you up. I thought maybe you’d changed your mind. Which is fine. I’m a big girl. Trust me, I can handle not being wanted, but I meant it when Isaid I didn’t want to impact our friendship. Because before anything else, that’s what we are.”
Maybe if she’d voiced her concerns earlier in her marriage when red flags started popping up, she could have saved it. Probably not, but she knew she couldn’t just sit on her worries anymore. It would take away from everything else.
Surprise and shock flashed in Levi’s eyes, then his hands cupped the sides of her face, holding her steady like his gaze. “There’s no world where I’ve changed my mind ordon’twant you, Jilly. I know you’ve been hurt. Your ex is a fucking idiot, but I’m grateful for that even if it caused you pain, because if he or any other man had shown you what you’re truly worth, what you deserve, I wouldn’t be standing here with you right this minute.”
He let out a long breath, seemingly letting go of the tension in his shoulders even though his gaze hadn’t softened. It was earnest and dark and really freaking sexy.
“I’m sorry about this morning. My dad and I argued. I’ve always known he wasn’t thrilled with my choice to leave Smile and pursue cooking, but I didn’t think it was this enormous chasm between us getting wider and deeper the longer I was away. You showed up shortly after he suggested I’m not good enough for you.”
Ouch.“That’s a horrible thing for him to say. That must have made you feel terrible.” She liked Mr. Bright because of what she knew of him, but the thought of someone saying that to Levi brought out a protective streak in her she’d thought was reserved for only Ollie and family.
Levi shrugged, his gaze moving beyond her. When it came back to her, she could see there was no hesitation now. He was confident and sure. Maybe enough for both of them. “There’s time to make things right. I’m not sure how yet, but I don’t want to focus on that. I want to focus on this. You. Us. This day. Right now. I don’t mindmaking you nervous in the right way, Jilly. But I don’t want to push for more than you’re ready for. We’ve known each other for years. It’s been a minute since we spent any real time together, but I’m not reading you wrong, am I? Do you want me to kiss you?”
She swallowed, audibly. He’d laid it all out there, opened up to her honestly. He deserved the same from her. He made her want to be brave.
“I feel like I’ve wanted you to kiss me for as long as I can remember,” she said, her voice low but her words steady.
He sucked in a breath, one hand moving to her waist as his other cradled her face. Other than that, he stayed still, letting her lead, andthatmade her feel powerful. Anticipation hummed over her skin and she realized how much she wanted this. Years of want that must have been buried as deep as the boxes in Pete’s place seemed to fill her entire body. Sometimes, people tucked things away for so long, they forgot they existed, and when they stumbled upon them again, it felt brand-new. And yet, somehow, familiar.
Jilly slid both of her hands up the hard planes of his chest, watching him, feeling his heart beat beneath her hand. Before she could press her mouth to his, he smiled and leaned in, brushed the tip of his nose over each of those freckles, the little rainbow spattering across the bridge. He grazed his lips over her nose, touching each little mark, moved up to press a feather-light kiss to her forehead and then to each of her closed eyelids. A tremor worked its way between them and she didn’t know if it was him, her, or both of them.
“Levi,” she whispered, surprised by the desire evident in her voice.No hiding now.
He rubbed the pad of his thumb over her full bottom lip. The first touch of his lips made Jilly certain the fire between them was always meant to burn. It was gentle at first while he learned theshape of her mouth, angled her head to take the kiss deeper. Then she pushed herself closer to him, changing the kiss from sweet and innocent to one full of promises and demands. While one of his hands pulled her closer, his fingers pressing into her skin in a deliciously exciting way, his other trailed lightly down the side of her body, then back up, from her hip, over her waist and up, along the outer swell of her breast and up more until it was buried in her hair.
Going up on tiptoes, Jillian closed both of her arms around his neck, murmuring and sighing in the same breath, letting her tongue tease his, spurred on by the growl that left the back of his throat. Her own hands wouldn’t stay still. They curled into his hair, and it was every bit as soft as she’d imagined. Her thoughts scattered to dust until she was consumed by everything about him: the shape of his body, hard edges against her curved ones, the differences complementing each other, the taste of his lips on her tongue, the scent of his earthy shampoo.
It shocked her to hear the little hitches in her own breath, followed by her barely there whisper asking for “more.” His hand at her hip roamed up her back, his fingers dancing over her spine, sending little sparks in every direction, before moving down to her lower back to fit her against him like a lost piece of a puzzle he’d meant to finish long ago.
When he finally pulled back, both of them were breathing like they’d run to the top of the mountain behind the lodge. If she’d been on the fence, unsure of what she wanted, Levi’s lips had given her all the certainty she needed. She wantedhim.She’d been kissed plenty in her life and no one else’s kisses had ever made her whole body feel like it had been warmed by the sun. Like just the act of kissing was enough to make her head spin and push the world away. She’d had good kisses; seductive, sweet, sexy kisses.But kissing Levi was unlike anything she’d ever experienced, and she wanted to make it her new hobby. Or better yet, her full-time job. She touched her lips with her fingertips, like she could still feel him there.
She was glad he looked as shaky as she felt. Still, his voice was strong as he brought his hand to her neck, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “I’d say that was worth the wait. I know you’re unsure of what’s next, but it’s up to you. You’re in charge. When you’re ready to kiss me again, I’m here.”
Their chests were plastered against each other so she could feel their heartbeats and thought it was kind of cool that they played off of each other. Him. Her. Him. Her.
“Just like that? I’m in charge? No pressure, just kiss you anytime I want?”
His smile brightened his entire face. “Yes, please.”
Her fingertips curled into the black sweater he wore. She didn’t know how to respond to his words or the feelings swirling inside of her.
Though energy coursed between them like the waves beneath the dock, she didn’t want to rush. Or maybe she just knew that if she kissed him, she wouldn’t get anything else done all day.
