“You’re the first,” she smiles, warm and steady. “Easton doesn’t know yet.”
Pulling my lips inside, “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you throughout the pregnancy.”
“Baby girl,” she pulls me into her arms, soothing me with calm words. She’s going to be a wonderful mother. “I know why you weren’t texting or calling.”
My spine goes rigid.
She keeps talking, rubbing circles on my back. “You’re my number one baby. We’re going to continue growing together and without each other, but that doesn’t mean I’m forgetting about you. There’s not a single day where I don’t mention you to Easton or your niece. You’re my favourite person, Nova.” Nadine pulls back and cups my cheeks,staring into my eyes as she wipes away tears. “If anything, I’m jealous of Dean. He gets to be withtheNova who showed me what love feels like.”
She says what I didn’t know I needed to hear. From the conversation I had with Dean in Zermatt, to this moment. Nadine heals an anxious black hole that would’ve chewed me out.
“I haven’t decided on taking him back yet,” my voice wobbles.
She lightly smacks my arm, “But you will. I’ve never seen a man so deathly afraid of ocean water yet still manage to helpTatay.”
An image of Dean holding onto the edge of the boat and helpingTataygrab a hold of thrashing salmon comes to mind. I would laugh if I wasn’t falling deeper in love.
“I want to know if I can trust him,” I say truthfully.
“Hasn’t he proved that you can?” She points outside. The lawn mower is off and when I look down, Dean’s pulling out stubborn weeds. “If you’re certain you don’t want to be with him, then you need to tell him soon.”
“Hey, did you guys see this?” Rosa walks back in, colourful notes in hand.
“Rosa, I left them on my door for a reason.” She has a habit of sticking her nose everywhere.
“Okay yeah,” she waves at the air. “But like, have youseenit?”
She gets on the carpet, organizing the post-its Dean’s been leaving every morning on my door. Nadine moves, standing behind us.
I should have respected your wishes the second you told me you didn’t want help.
I watched you with Lottie one morning and would pet her to convince myself I could feel your touch.
Then the post-its change from notes to mimics of his tattoos.
First is the Nerium.
Your beauty withstands the roots.
Second is an Orange Blossom.
A scent that reminds me of you.
Violets.
You’re too modest. Learn to let that go a little bit.
Anemones.
A reminder that we will overcome the storm.
Each drawing is wonky, but it’s all his.
“Do you know how they’re placed on his arm?”
Rosa’s reaching conclusions, again.
I place the drawings like Dean’s tattoos.
