“And that’s why,” my throat constricts. “I’ll always choose them over any man in my life.”
The air around us stills. Turns into sharpened daggers, pointing at our throats with no shield, no choice to defend. It’s debilitating and terrifying at the same time.
Because I’d rather a dagger slit my throat than see the pang of hurt in Dean’s eyes ever again.
“You’d do that even though that’s not what your sisters would want?”
“I need space to think about what I want.”
Dean nods slowly. The weight of my silence settling in.
Break my heart, why don’t you?
“Dean,” it comes out broken.
He shakes his head profusely. A sign of comfort, to show me that it’s okay. It doesn’t feel okay. None of this feels right.
“Don’t apologize for your choices,” he’s cupping my face. “I respect your decisions.”
He brushes away another tear when I say, “You can’t look at me like that anymore.”
The tendrils from his jaw stretch across the span of his throat. Histongue pushes against his cheek. “Don’t ask that of me.”
I breathe and wipe away the rest of my tears. “Please?”
Dean rubs the back of his neck, looking pained like I’m asking for the impossible. “I left my brothers, my responsibilities, and everything for this. I even thought about letting you be, helping youfindsomeone to be with, but then I saw you with Rhys and my resolve crumbled. There is no life worth living if it’s not with you and as dramatic as that may sound, I mean it. I’m not a romantic, but somehow I’ve made my life a story to fit you.”
I hiccup back a sob. “With that monologue, you might as well take Shakespeare’s job.” The joke falls flat.
“I’d rather not,” he cracks a broken smile.
“It’s good to keep a man on his knees.”
“Don’t you see that I already am?”
It breaks a piece of me to see him vulnerable.
Dean deserves the version of me without baggage and dishonesty. It’ll be a while before I can give him that.
Dean and I stand for so long that people begin dispersing. The conversations turn quiet, the sky softly dimming with faded lanterns, and all that’s left is us and our hearts wearing out the material of our sleeves.
“There is no one I want more than you,” Dean’s shoulders slump. “Remember that for me.”
CHAPTER 26
It’s been three days since our… breakup? I don’t know what to call it.
Every day since then has been, where’s Dean? Is he thinking about me? Have I hurt him enough to hate me? Does he still want me?
The train back to Lucerne was tense. I ended up moving to an empty spot an hour into the ride. We didn’t say a word, maybe exhaustion caught up to us.
Totally not because you rained on his parade.
If Dean were any other person, I might’ve told him about the lawsuit. But he has money and telling him would make it seem like I have nefarious intentions.
The nights following have been full of tears and snot.
Hina hasn’t commented on it. She hands me tissues, tells me I look hot, then leaves.
