“No!” I grab his wrist. “I like this version of you, Dean. In fact,” his wrist is warm when I kiss it. “I like every version of you.”
A white-as-snow teddy bear catches my attention through a window. It’s a small shop with a narrow entrance. Dean doesn’t say anything when I pause to look at it.
The bear is a good size for tiny hands.
Our reflection in the window shows him standing behind me. His chest brushes against my back and I relax my shoulders.
“Do you think a baby would like that?” I point at its fluffiness.
Dean scruffs his beard, “Not sure. Haven’t done much talking with newborns, why?”
“Just thinking about getting it for my sister.” He doesn’t ask but I still say, “She’s due in two months.”
He nods like he knows what that’s like.
“It’s weird, knowing that I’m going to be someone’s aunt.” I stare mindlessly at the white fur. There’s a heart sewn into the denimoveralls, it’s adorable. “I’m going to love him or her, but I’m… scared.”
“What are you afraid of?”
Scenarios play in my head. Nadine giving birth, the kid growing up, us growing apart, moving on with our lives like we didn’t spend the first half of it together.
“Being replaced, I guess.” I shake my head because it’s stupid coming from a twenty-four-year-old. “That sounds wrong. I meant that I’ve always been the so-called baby of my family like all youngest children.Ate—Nadine—isn’t just my sister. She’s my best friend and a second mother. To think that one day…oneday, I’ll be referred to as her kid’s aunt and not her best friend—it sounds terrible, I know—but how do you expect me to go my whole life wrapped inside her arms to one day no longer be able to feel them?”
A minute. Two. Maybe three passes.
“You’re jealous.”
Anyone else might get defensive. “I am,” I’m ashamed of it but it’s true. “My sisters made sure that I never noticed the love I was missing from my parents. They loved me with all they had, and I loved them back tenfold. It’ll all change when she has her family.”
Dean leaves shivers in his wake when he runs it down my back. “She’ll have a new addition, someone she’ll love wholeheartedly. But you will always be her family first. That love never dims.”
Time to change the subject.
“Speaking from experience, Dean?” I tease. “Being the oldest brother and all that.”
He studies me. Probably wondering why I’m changing the topic. Guess what, ogre. I learned from older siblings like you.Deflecting or whatever.
“Something like that,” he gruffly says.
“Is that why you didn’t tell Azar or Callahan that you’re here?”
He clenches his jaw, then moves us away from the swarm of tourists.
“Azar told me,” I confirm his suspicions. I didn’t want to bring it up, but when Azar bombarded me with questions about how Dean was on call the other day, I can’t help it.
“He didn’t need to know.”
Cold stone burns through my clothes.
“Really? Or you didn’t want to burden him with you leaving again?”
His head whips so fast to look at me.
It’s a risk asking him personal questions.
When I think he’ll tell me toquit itor walk away, he surprises me. “After getting out of prison, Azar checked up on me every night to make sure I was there. As grown up as he is, he was only twenty. I’ve seen him look for me in crowds or during holidays constantly, I didn’t want him thinking I was leaving for good.”
“Okay,” I’m confused. “That was then, and this is now. Siblings should share everything with each other. Believe it or not, but we want you to share the heavy load with us.”
