“I’m not asking if you regret it, I’m asking why you did it.”
A couple of deep exhales. “Before your mother died, I was lost. I roamed around New York, called doctors all over the world to cure her—they couldn’t. One reckless night, I was drunk, and it happened. Itkepthappening. With her, my sorrows disappeared.”
“Do you love her?”
“No,” he responded quickly. “The only woman I’ve ever loved is your mother.”
“You don’t cheat on the people you love,father.”
He flinched at the word. “She told me your mother gave her approval before she died.”
A humourless chuckle. “And you believed her?”
He shook his head. “You left me, and she held on. It’s the worst excuse, son. But I needed consolation and I had no one.”
The jarring jab of a thousand splinters in my stomach, collectively ached at once. From the moment Eomma passed and I caught them in bed together, I fucking thought they were the bad guys—they were the villains.
Not once had I fucking thought that my dad, the man my mother loved, was eating himself on the inside—struggling to survive. He wanted the comfort of his family, but we left him.
Ileft him.
“When you distanced yourself from me, I thought you needed the space. When you asked for Moonshine, I gave it to you because I thought you needed it more than I did,” he continued. A single tear fell from his tired eyes. I fisted my hands on my lap.
“You still helped Eda in her scheme, dad.”
He stumbled over the croak. “It was the only way to feel connected to you.”
Stupefied, I asked. “What?”
“Eda knew you were looking into her secrets, but she thought she was smarter than you which is why she didn’tpay much attention. But I knew if I helped her, I’d be speaking to you in some messed up way.”
My chest constricted. “You couldn’t have talked to me?”
“I was embarrassed—I will be ashamed for the rest of my life.”
“You should be,” I snarled. “She was taking advantage of young interns, letting men touch them and you did nothing.”
“I don’t regret falling into her scheme,” he said quietly. “Because through this, I got to see you again.”
“This is the last time you’ll ever see me,” I responded. “For the rest of your life, you’ll live with the reminder of what you did to your family, to those interns, and toyourself.”
A broken nod. “If this is the last time, I’ll ever see you then can I say something?”
I waited.
“I love you, son. I never stopped and I never will. I’m not a good man, I wasn’t a great father, but I love you.”
Tears burned my eyes.
Without another word, I slammed the phone back in place and left.
As I walked back to the car, each remnant of a cry washed away the past behind me.
I’d had enough focusing on the past.
It was time for a happy fucking future.
After I won back mywife.
