“One day, you’ll realize those are the only kind of points I have.”
Nico rolled his eyes. “One day, I’ll learn that you can’t be serious for more than three seconds.”
“I still want to know howyou’refeeling,” Mr. D pressed. “You broke down crying a few minutes ago. Then you started talking about other people instead of yourself.”
Nico’s face flushed. He spotted his Cocoa Puff Shame, who looked like a hairless cat made of shadow, sticking its head out from under the comforter. Nico scratched its big ears and let a flood of memories wash over him:stealing glances atHenry as they played Mythomagic, wetting the bed his first night alone at boarding school, running into the woods after screaming at Percy Jackson.
“What’s going through your mind right now?” asked Mr. D.
“Shame,” Nico admitted.
“About?”
Where to even start?Nico wondered.
“The mythics feel unwelcome. The demigods are scared and suspicious. Hazel and Frank are barely holding everything together.”
“And you feel responsible,” Mr. D guessed.
“I came here to help,” Nico said. “What if I disappoint Hazel? What if I let Asterion and his friends down? I want to show everyone they can overcome their fears and coexist. All I’ve managed to do is make things worse.”
Mr. D thought for a moment. “You’re putting the blame entirely on yourself?”
Shame coursed through Nico again, though he was no longer petting the cacodemon. “No, but…I feel like I’m getting buried by this. All my old trauma is getting dredged up again. I can’t see past it. I thought I wouldn’t feel these things anymore.”
Dionysus wagged a finger at him. “Perhaps that’s the problem, Nico. None of us—not even us immortals—gets to experience an existence without emotions. We gods might feel things differently than you do, but we still feel them. Have you never seen the wrath of a god?”
“Sure. Plenty of times.”
“Have you not also seen grace? Or sadness? Or despair?”
“I have.”
“I know I joke a lot in our sessions together,” said Mr. D, “but the truth is, I’m not trying to wipe away your past trauma. That would be impossible. I’m trying to give you the tools to deal with all the skatá píta that life throws at you, if you’ll excuse my Greek. You’ve already done so much work. Look at the little blobs, for example. Your inner demons are now your best friends, aren’t they?”
Nico gazed down affectionately at his snoozing Cocoa Puffs. “They are.”
“You have your whole life to take care of yourself,” Mr. D said softly. “This isn’t like a demigod quest, where you seek out an item, solve a puzzle, defeat some horrible creature, and then it’sdone. You’re doing this every day, every moment of your life. In the same vein, you can’t expect to create world peace between demigods and mythics in a matter of hours. Perhaps you shouldn’t race toward a finish line that doesn’t exist.”
Nico sighed. “I hate it when you’re helpful like this.”
“I can go back to bullying someone one millionth of my age if you’d like.”
“Gods, yes. Please do that.”
Mr. D chuckled. “Keep me updated, Nico. Now if you’ll excuse me, I simply must find out who survives the quest for fire. Prometheus couldnever.” He glanced at where his TV used to be. “Hmm, and it appears I must also remember how to create a new television set. Good-bye!”
After the Iris-message faded, Nico lay back on the bunk bed, his emotions still churning like kicked-up river sediment. It was strange to think about how much his relationship with Mr. D had changed over the last year. It wasn’t abadstrange. Just…different.
He knew Mr. D was right. He needed to be patient, and not so hard on himself, but that didn’t make the discomfort go away.
Loneliness scooted over, examining Nico with its single big eye, and then it snuggled against his chest. Nico pulled it close, letting images from his past drift by like the current around a canoe. He wondered if everyone else struggled as much as he did. Maybe…but it sure didn’t seem that way.
He slipped deeper into his memories.
He didn’t even realize when Will came back into the room until he felt his boyfriend’s weight sink onto the bed next to him. Nico opened his eyes.
Will gazed tenderly at him, and then at Loneliness cuddled in Nico’s arms. “Everything okay?” he asked.
