For the millionth time, Nico was grateful to have such an empathetic boyfriend.
He put his hand on Will’s shoulder. “Could you take over? Pair everybody up with a Puff?”
Will met his eyes and seemed to get the message: Nico wanted to talk to Savannah alone, make sure she was truly okay.
“Of course!” Will said cheerfully. “All right, campers! Let’s match you all with an emotion!”
The Puffs bounced excitedly around Will’s feet. Of course, Will had chocolate in his pockets, so why wouldn’t they?
Nico turned to Savannah, whose face was still flushed. “Walk with me?”
She nodded, wiping away tears with the sleeve of her pullover. They crossed to the southern part of the Field of Mars, where Hannibal the elephant was enjoying some destruction therapy, wielding a tree trunk like a baseball bat as he smacked down old fortifications. Nico wished they could take the elephant with them to face Pirithous, but he doubted Hannibal would fit in a Chevrolet Express.
Once they were out of earshot from the group, Nico asked, “Savannah, can I do anything to help?”
She tucked Grief into the pouch of her carrier, where it nestled and purred. “You’ve already helped me a lot, but…yeah, I’ll take anything I can get.” She smiled sadly. “Does it ever get easier?”
Nico was silent for a moment, unsure how to express what was on his mind. He decided the direct route would be best.
“Easier, yes,” he said. “But never easy. Just last night I dreamed about my mother and my sister Bianca…right before the fire, when Zeus killed my mom.”
She looked stunned. “You’re still dreaming about it?”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “I think I had this idea when I was younger that if I just got all my sadness out of the way, then I’d never feel it again. But that’s not how it works.”
Savannah rubbed her sniffly nose. “I—I didn’t know that. So it just goes onforever?”
Nico shrugged. “I mean…yes? But it doesn’t feel the same as it did in the beginning. It dulls over time. And I promise this isn’t as sad as it sounds, but I sometimes go days or weeks without thinking about it. Same with Bianca. Or Jason. I still miss them, but it’s like…”
Nico hesitated, and the image of the exploding TV set from his last conversation with Mr. D arrived in his mind.
“It’s like having a television on in another room. You can sense it’s there, but it’s easy to drown out and forget.”
She hugged herself in the morning cold. “I’d settle for feeling normal for a day.”
“I know,” he said. “And it’s probably hard to believe right now, but you will feel joy again. It just may be harder to find. It won’t come running when you offer it chocolate likethislittle greedy-guts.”
Grief peered up from the comfort of its pouch, purring sleepily as if to sayMore chocolate? Yes, please.
Savannah let out a broken laugh. “I’m actually getting comfortable with this little guy. He makes me feel so much. But it’s not just my parents’ death I see when I hold him. It’s little things from our lives together. My dad pushing me on the swing at the playground. My mom showing me how to center a pot on the wheel. Waking up on Christmas morning to a mound of presents…that kind of stuff.”
“I get that,” Nico said. “Lately I’ve been noticing the same thing—the Puffs showing mepositivememories associated with their emotions. I guess that makes sense. Grief is remembering the awful and the magical, sometimes all at once.”
Savannah gazed back at the demigod squad now strapping Cocoa Puffs into their carriers like they were preparing for the weirdest nursery-school field trip ever.
“I still want to go with you,” she said. “To find Hazel.”
He smiled. “I hoped you would.”
“Even though I’m a scared, emotional mess?”
“That’s okay! You don’t think I’m anxious about this?”
“It’s hard to tell,” she admitted. “I guess when I see people like you and Will and Frank, I assume you’re fearless and perfectly put-together.”
He barked out a laugh. “Oh, I assure you that we’re just as messed-up as everyone else.”
Savannah’s eyes were still as red as her hair, but they looked a little warmer. Comforted.
