I don’t pull away. I relish the warmth of his palm against my skin. “That’s a nice thought, but I’ve already failed.” More than once, though I can’t be certain if both the encounters with Caleb have been marked against me. Maybe it’s only the old training failures that dog my steps ... except that’s not right either. Ralph saw me stealing his form. He may care about me enough to have spent extra time nurturing my so-called skills, but that doesn’t mean he’ll look the other way if I keep screwing up.
His grip tightens as panic flickers through him. He seems to make an effort to loosen his grip, though. Caleb exhales slowly and visibly tenses. “You can scare me now if you want.”
I sigh. “I really don’t want to.” It’s unforgivable to admit as much, let alone to admit it tohim, but I’ve already broken so many unspoken rules. What’s one more? That tiny thread of honesty leads to more. “I don’t like the taste of fear.”
“You don’t like my fear?” He sounds almost hurt.
“I don’t likeanyfear. It’s so sour and sticks in my throat.” Confessing that feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It won’t make any difference, not when this is my last shot to continue to be part of demon society. If I fail here, I fail everything.
Caleb sits up slowly, almost like he’s afraid I’ll flit away if he moves too quickly. He’s taller than I realized, only a few inches shorter than I am. And he smells good, like something earthy I can’t quite put a name to. “Okay, this is just a problem we have to solve.” He’s looking into the middle distance, not quite seeing me as he seems to focus his entire being on this problem. “Are you monitored on your ... visits?”
“No.” I watch him closely. This distracted expression feels deeply familiar. “But if I start to starve, it will quickly become apparent.” A starving demon starts to literally waste away. It’s a horrifying sight to witness and agonizing to experience. Or at least it appears agonizing.
“You’ll be safe as long as you’re not starving?”
I don’t know if it’s as simple as that, but I nod all the same. “More or less.”
“Then we just need to figure out what emotion I can feed you.” His face flames and his lust surges, strong enough to makemewarm, but he’s still very carefully not looking at me. “What are our options?”
I’m embarrassed, he’s embarrassed, but curiosity overrides my desire to throw myself under the bed and hide for all eternity. “You already know lust is one.”
He clears his throat a few times. “Yeah, but you didn’t seem comfortable with that, and I don’t want to put you in a position where you can’t say no.”
I blink. “Shouldn’t you be worried about yourself, not me?”
“Gemma.” He finally looks at me. He’s still blushing furiously, but he manages to hold my gaze. “I am absolutely on board with feeding you lust if that’s what you want. You’re beautiful and interesting, and the only side effect I noticed was being a little tired the next day. Whether that’s because you fed on my lust or because I stayed up the rest of the night, doing ...” Against all logic, his blush deepens. “Anyway, I’m good with it if you are.”
AmI good with it? It’s not in the job description, but ultimately we’re left up to our own discretion on how to feed. It would mean lying to Ralph when he checks in with me, but that’s nothing new. I’ve lied to him from the moment I told him I was ready to do this on my own. I didn’t liewell, but I can work on that.
I take a deep breath, inhaling Caleb’s building lust. He’s filled with it over the possibility of me. It’s staggering on several levels, all of which I’ll spend entirely too much time obsessing over once I’m home and alone. “Okay.”
“Okay? Okay.” He exhales in a rush, shifting restlessly. “Um, how do you want to start?”
When in doubt, stick with what you know. “I guess I’ll start by sitting on your chest.”
Chapter 4
Wait, wait, wait.”
I freeze in the middle of leaning forward. I should have known this was a mistake. I’m breaking so many rules right now, and I don’t evenknowthis human, no matter how nice and understanding he seems. “You’re right. I’m just going to go.”
“Gemma,wait.” He grabs my wrist again, still holding me almost gingerly. Not like I’m a monster he’s afraid will bite, but as if I’m made of glass and he worries about shattering me. It’s strange. I don’t know if I like it. “Believe me when I say I absolutely am into the idea of you sitting on my chest.” Caleb clears his throat. “But I was hoping we could talk for a little bit first.”
“Talk?” I blink. “But why do you want to talk to me? You clearly are attracted to this form.”
“I am. Very.” His gaze skates over me, almost as if he can’t help himself. “But I guess I’m a little bit of a romantic. I like knowing the people I have sex with. Not to mention, it’s not every day I get the chance to talk with a demon.”
I nibble my bottom lip. It’s not as if I can get intomoretrouble if I talk with him. The portal will hold until sunrise, which is hours away. Truth be told, I’m curious about himtoo. “What do you do when you’re not here?” I wave my hand around his room.
“I’m a pediatrician.”
My eyes go wide. “You work with kids? All the time? Every day?”
The roles responsible for raising, educating, and healing demon children are hotly sought after. Even if I were excellent at my job and quickly rose up the ranks and gathered power, I’m centuries from being able to even compete to claim one of those positions. I’ll never be able to accomplish that. But to work primarily with young children? That sounds like the stuff dreams are made of, if someone were brave enough to allow themself to dream.
Now it’s his turn to blink. “I do.” He runs a hand through his short red hair, suddenly bashful. “Most of my job is wellness checks as the kids grow up—giving vaccinations, reassuring parents that they’re doing a good job, and helping them navigate situations where there’s something more serious going on. The last part is relatively rare, which is nice. I’ve only been doing it for a decade, but even in that time, seeing the kids get older is really rewarding.”
Ten years seems like a blip of time, but it’s quite the stretch for humans. Especially when doctors have to go to school for so long. It means Caleb is a little older than I realized, close to forty. It means his life is half over. The thought leaves me cold.
