Frustration rots inside me, acidic and so intense it takes my breath away. “This isn’t going to work. I’m supposed to be feeding off your fear.” I didn’t mean to say that.Fuck.I am screwing this up royally.
“Okay,” he says easily. “Scare me.”
If it were that easy, I would have done it by now. I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him, relaxed and trusting me when he most certainly shouldn’t. “You don’t have a single shred of self-preservation, do you? I could kill you.Thatwould make you afraid.”
“Probably.” He smiles, his eyes still closed. “Worth a shot, right?”
I blink. Maybe I’m not the incompetent one here. Oh, Iamincompetent—I can’t pretend otherwise—but this man clearly has no survival instinct. Irritation rises, washing through my frustration. “Keep your eyes closed.” He likes this form? Well, I’ll give him another to gawk at.
It hurts to change my body. Not because of the shifting bones and cells and magic, but because I’m already so low on reserves. Demons like Ralph can shift in a heartbeat withoutso much as a flinch because they’re glutted on the emotions of their humans. Even the demons who don’t have a large number of humans can manage it, because there are always more emotions to plumb when it comes to humans. Normal demons don’t spend days avoiding their human until hunger drives them back.
I shimmy a little, getting used to the added height and lack of mass. I won’t claim any originality in the design—I shamelessly copied it. Once I’m sure I won’t topple over with my first step, I make my way to the bed and crawl onto the mattress, closer and closer to Caleb, until my nose nearly touches his.
With each shift of my weight, his breathing picks up. I can feel his anticipation as I settle over him, careful not to touch his body. There will be no need to sit on his chest tonight ... hopefully. I’m not sure I can manage it in this form without hurting him, and as frustrating as this whole experience has been, it’s not reallyhisfault that things aren’t going to plan.
“Caleb,” I whisper, my voice gone rough from the transition to a form I’ve never worn. “Open your eyes.”
He does ... and screams. “Holy shit.” His whole body goes tight, his eyes wide and panicked, his fear so thick in the air that I gag on it even as I swallow it down. Just enough to stave off true hunger, but nowhere near enough to satisfy. I can barely stand to consume that much.
I launch myself off him and skitter backward toward the closet that hides the portal. Caleb’s eyes are still rolling in absolute fear. I should be feeling the satisfaction of a job well done, but all I feel is shame. He was trying to help me, and all he got for his efforts is terrified. His fear coats the inside of my mouth, tacky and acidic. It makes me want to spit it out, but I can’t afford to waste this sustenance after using so much magic. Damn it.
I release him just as I step through the portal. My stomach is no longer grumbling, but I take no pleasure in what just happened. The feeling gets worse when I land back in my realm and nearly run over Ralph.
He catches me by my shoulders. “Gemma ... why are you wearing my face and body?”
In an instant, I’m back in my preferred form, pink skin and all. I shrink a full three feet in the process, but Ralph’s grip doesn’t waver. “Sorry.” It’s incredibly rude to assume another demon’s likeness in whole, the way I just did. “I panicked and—”
Ralph sighs. “If you need to refine your form, then take some time to do it—your own time. You ate at least?”
“Yes,” I whisper. It’s the truth ... even if two shifts were enough to drain me to the edge of needing to turn around and go right back to Caleb. I can’t do it. Not tonight. Not after I failed so spectacularly.Again.
“Good job.” He releases my shoulders and ruffles my mane. “I told you that you could do it. If you want some tips on changes you could make—”
“Thank you, but that won’t be necessary.” I’m speaking so softly, the words barely span the distance between us. “I’m sorry.”
“I won’t hold it against you this one time.” He’s being unbearably kind, even if there’s a thread of warning beneath his words. “You’ll be fine, Gemma. Just keep doing what you’re doing and have confidence in yourself.”
If only he knew.
Chapter 3
Iwant to say it’s hunger that drives me back to the portal leading to Caleb’s room. It’s even the truth—but not the full truth. It’s mostly guilt and curiosity.
I feel bad for scaring him. I feel guilty for lying to Ralph. Worst of all, I can’t get the appreciation in Caleb’s expression out of my mind. It’s the first time in my life someone has looked at me like I’m not a complete embarrassment. Sure, I botched the job I was sent there to do, but still ...
I want to see it again.
Before walking though the portal, I cast a furtive look around and use precious magic to form a short dress over my body. It feels strange against my skin, but it covers the bits Caleb couldn’t stop staring at last night. A perverse part of me wants him to stare, wants to drink in the feeling of beingseen. I’m not sure why I’m trying to meet him in the middle of some strange human standard. I shouldn’t be wanting tomeethim at all.
I step through the portal before I can talk myself out of the whole thing. The darkness of the room washes over me, pressing against my skin pleasantly. Caleb sleeps in what I’m coming to realize is his customary position: on his back with arms flung wide. Sotrusting.
There’s one difference, though. Under his forearm is a white rectangle of paper, standing out against the dark-gray sheets. Strange. Curiosity takes hold, and I pad across the room to lean down and look at it. It’s a letter ... tome.
Through some quirk of our creation—no doubt intentional—demons are chameleons with language. We adapt and understand within seconds. It’s a vital requirement for those who actively engage with humans, but it’s useful even for those like me, who aren’t supposed to go beyond lurking in a dark corner or leering from a position crouched on their chests.
I scan the letter, pause in pure shock, and go back to the beginning.
Gemma,
