Julian rubs the back of his neck with his hand, and my stomach sinks.
“Uh… he put his hand around my throat, and then I pressed him against the lockers.”
I’m quiet, waiting for him to continue, but instead he just looks at me hesitantly.
“That’s it?” I ask, trying to sound casual.
“Yes. No. Well, that’s all that involved Kai. But…” He looks down at the ground. “I was sort of stirred up, so I had to relieve myself in the shower.”
My lips twitch with the threat of a smile. “Julian, you’ve wanked to Kai before. It’s normal to fantasize about someone other than me, and it doesn’t bother me.”
He nods once, looking up at me. “No, I know. This time just felt different. And I wanted to tell you. It felt… wrong.”
As I process his words, I feel many different emotions. There’s a pang of discomfort at the thought of Julian’s complicated feelings for Kai—a discomfort that lingers, but doesn’t quite evolve into jealousy. It’s not a terrible feeling… but more like growing pains. And as the seconds tick by, it morphs into something that almost feels like curiosity.
The tension between them has always been palpable, even before I met Kai. For years, I brushed it off as old wounds or maybe unresolved anger whenever he spoke about his ex-best friend. But now, after last night… perhaps it was an opening to something I hadn’t fully allowed myself to consider until now.
I should feel possessive or betrayed, perhaps even angry, despite never feeling those things with Julian. I’ve never been the jealous type. Instead, there’s a strange clarity weaving through my racing thoughts—a sort of quiet understanding that surprises me. Julian’s feelings for Kai, no matter how complex, don’t endanger our bond—in fact, they could enrich it.
If we let it…
A spark of warmth blooms inside of me.
What if this isn’t something to fear? What if it’s an opportunity, one that could deepen the bond we all share? I think about Kai, his sharp wit, the vulnerability he hides under his tough exterior, the way he looked at me last night, the soft way he touched me…
There’s a tenderness for Julian there, too, one I hadn’t fully contemplated until now.
It’s a surprising thought, but one that settles firmly into place.
Perhaps this isn’t a threat to my marriage. Perhaps it’s the start of something new, something none of us expected, but all of us could grow to want.
The prickling tension along my spine eases, replaced by a cautious excitement.
“How did it feel wrong? Why was this time different?”
He shrugs. “Because we’ve been intimate with him. Last night… it wasn’t supposed to happen. This… him and me… it feels like I’m emotionally cheating, Sophie.”
My chest aches, but not from betrayal.
From empathy.
“You thinkI’dthink you were emotionally cheating?” I ask gently. He nods, and he looks so sheepish that I can’t help but smile. I step closer so that we’re touching, and I take both of his hands in mine. “First of all, I’d be the biggest hypocrite of all if I thought that, considering…” I trail off.
He huffs a laugh. “Yes, well, we spent weeks going over our limits and the rules. I’m kind of free-falling here, you know?”
I narrow my eyes, smirking. “You want permission? Fine. Let’s talk about it now, so if there’s ever a time you’d like to pursue things with Kai, you won’t feel so guilty.”
His mouth opens and closes. “I— That’s not what I?—”
I squeeze his hands. “I know. You’re a good man, Julian Ashford. It’s why I married you. If I thought for one second that Kai would come between us, I’d say so.”
He studies me for a few seconds. “You don’t think he’d come between us?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t. I’m not really sure what’s happening with us, but if you’d like to pursue things with him solo, I’d be okay with that.” My smile grows. “In fact, I really like the idea of watching the two of you together. Is there such a thing as a hot-husband?”
His expression relaxes. The tension in his shoulders melts into something softer.
Relief.
