I attempt to steady my voice, but my hands are shaking. “Maybe you don’t have to handle anything. You can just… let it be what it is.”
Julian takes a deep breath, finally meeting my eyes. There’s something raw and desperate in his gaze.
“And what if what it is… isn’t what I thought it’d be? What if it’s something I can’t take back?” His voice breaks on the last word, and I unconsciously take a step closer.
“Then maybe it’s something you don’t need to take back.”
The words are out of my mouth before I can contemplate them.
Julian stares at me, and the distance between us suddenly feels like too much. He takes one step forward, then another, his chest rising and falling quickly. I don’t move, watching Julian’s internal battle play out on his face and letting it happen.
Because maybe I want it to happen.
“Can I try something?” Julian asks, his voice quiet.
The air between us suddenly feels different.Heavier. His eyes, barely visible in the dark, search my face like he’s waiting for me to say no.
I don’t.
Instead, I swallow and answer. “Yeah.”
“Turn off the light. I can’t—I can’t look at you while I?—”
I flick the light off before he can finish his sentence. My pulse rages in my veins, and a strange ripple shoots down my spine. I shift slightly, attempting to ease the knot tightening low in my stomach, but the movement only makes me more aware of him. It sparks something—a ripple of heat that catches me off guard. It’s as if my body knows what’s happening before my mind does, and before I can stop it, a warm, heady ache unfurls low in my gut.
It’s unmistakable now—spreading, insistent. My cock feels heavy… half hard at first, like it’s testing the waters.
And then it gets achingly rigid.
My mind is racing, bouncing between the fear of what this could mean and the hope that it’s exactly what I want, though I can’t even admit that to myself yet or explain this wild fucking turn of events. I can feel the weight of the silence between us, heavy, charged. But what if this is a mistake? What if I’m wrong, and everything changes for the worse? He’s my best friend. If this goes wrong, what happens to us?
But… the thought of him being this close, of something happening… it makes my chest tighten with anticipation.
The sound of his ragged breathing gives me goosebumps, and I can smell the shampoo he uses—it’s herbal and minty andfamiliar.
A split second of lightning illuminates the room for half a second, and the look on Julian’s face makes me inhale sharply. Determination. Courage. But also… fear.
I hear him take a step closer, and he’s close enough now that I can feel the heat radiating from him. Everything inside of me is burning—probably because the jackass in front of me has the heater set to eighty.
Or maybe he’s the one making me feel like I’m about to spontaneously combust.
“Please don’t be scared,” he murmurs, almost whispering. “I just… I need to know. But you can tell me to stop.”
The connotation of his words, of what he’s about to do, sends a wave of anxiety through me.
“Okay,” I say softly.
He takes another step closer.Julian.My best friend. The bizarre situation before us almost makes me laugh, but it feels too serious to laugh. I feel heavy and grounded, almost like I’m going to implode from wanting—needing—to see what he’s going to do.
One of his hands finds my jacket, and he slowly tugs me closer to him. Everything inside of me is pulsing, hinging on this one strange moment with him. He pulls me even closer so that we’re standing chest to chest, and I can smell the sweet, buttery scent of his breath, and the musky scent ofhim.
I’d never considered how he smelled before this moment, but I don’t hate it. In fact, the smell of him—of something rich with hints of bergamot—brings me comfort. I’m desperately trying to see his face, but it’s still too dark to see anything.
I need to know if he’s about to do what I think he’s about to do. I need to prepare myself, and I don’t like not knowing.
“Seriously,” he whispers, his breath fanning across my face. He’s close. “Just tell me this is a fucked-up idea and we never have to talk about it a?—”
I fist his shirt and pull his mouth to mine.
