Something inside of me shifts, but I tamp it down before I can acknowledge it.
“Maybe they’re just trying to distract themselves from their feelings. Works for some people, right?” Julian answers, sounding almost bitter.
My brows pinch. “Hey?—”
“I’m going to go heat up another bag of popcorn in the common room,” Julian says, hopping off the bed and throwing the empty popcorn bag into the trash. “Want anything else?”
“I’m good,” I tell him, watching his weird behavior with narrowed eyes.
After he walks out of the dorm, I sigh and lean back against the wall of Julian’s bed. Is he really that worried about getting another roommate? I’m not easy to live with—I’m antisocial and I go to bed at ten p.m. He’s the life of the party, and he has, like, a thousand friends. Everyone loves Julian Ashford. I figured he’d be happy to find a roommate more predisposed to his night-owl tendencies. We’re only in our freshman year, so it’s not like we’re short on time to hang out. We still have three and a half more years here together. Plus, it’s not like we’d never see each other. I’m only going across campus.
I don’t have long to contemplate the out-of-character behavior of my best friend, however, because a second later, Oscar is knocking on the door and peeking his head inside.
“Hey, Kai,” Oscar says, giving me a fist bump.
“Sup, Oscar?”
Aside from Julian, Oscar and the rest of my friends from theology have been a saving grace this semester. Julian likes to call them my “God friends”—they’re all religious, and they attend church every Sunday. There’s justsomethingabout being in church, surrounded by like-minded people. It’s so different from how I grew up. There’s light and goodness in church. Warmth.Community.It’s a stark contrast to the silence and tension that always hung heavy in my house growing up.
“Not much. We’re going to watch a movie and make some popcorn in my dorm. Want to join us?”
I shake my head. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m introducing Julian to some of the classic American slasher movies.”
“Ahh. Sounds fun. Hey, did you give any more thought into the ministry conference next month?”
I rub my mouth and imagine what I’d tell my father if I decided to spend my winter holiday at church camp, let alone what he’ll say when I tell him I’m dropping out of the business program at Crestwood University in lieu of seminary school. Theministry conference would be a really good way for me to get to know the others in the seminary program before it started, but I hadn’t decided yet. The two-week conference in Mexico City could be life-changing. Mom would be thrilled—she was always encouraging us to travel. But my dad? If I didn’t get a return on my investment, he’d call it a failure. The man didn’t have a charitable bone in his body.
And I’d decided from a very early age that I didn’t want to be anything like him.
“Sort of. Can I let you know by Monday?”
“No rush, man. But we’d love to have you. Have you told Julian the news about seminary?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah. I told him a few minutes ago.”
“And? How’d he take it?”
Shrugging, I rub my mouth with my hand. “Fine.”
“Really?” he asks. “Huh. I would’ve expected him to be devastated.”
I laugh. “Devastated? Why?”
Oscar shuffles his feet uncomfortably. “Aren’t you—I mean—” He rubs the back of his neck. “He’s your boyfriend, right?”
My chest feels tight with… something… shame, maybe. But then the absurdity of the situation hits me, and I burst out laughing.
“What? No!”
Oscar’s face turns red. “Fuck, sorry, man. I just assumed.” He holds his hands up. “But if you were together, it wouldn’t matter, just so you know?—”
“Well, we’re not,” I say a little too loudly.
Oscar opens and closes his mouth before he crosses his arms. “I know this isn’t my place, but are you sureheknows you’re just friends?”
Shock rolls through me. “Yes,” I tell him sternly.
“Okay. It’s just that he talks about you nonstop in biochem. It’s kind of adorable,” Oscar adds.
