My breathing turns ragged as my heart pounds against my ribs. “You drove all the way from Santa Barbara? That’s, like… four hours.”
He gives me a tired smile. “Six hours, actually. I hit rush hour traffic in L.A. And I stopped to get this,” he adds, handing the gorgeous, flowering plant to me.
My mouth drops open as I take it from him. “Is your driver…” I look behind him.
“I sent him to a five-star hotel and paid him for the week. He’ll be okay.”
“And why didn’t you go home?” I ask, my voice trembling slightly.
“Because for the last ten days, I’ve grown accustomed to you. Hearing your sounds, smelling your scent… being away from you feels wrong, and I needed to be near you?—”
“I come bearing wine!” Ari walks around my small front porch and stops a few feet behind Dante, her mouth dropping open. “Well, if it isn’t the devil himself,” she says. “I hope you apologized for leading her on. And I hope you know what a catch she is. Just look at those tits.”
“Ari,” I hiss.
My eyes go wide as Dante laughs, turning to face her. “I had no intention of leading her on. I came straight from Santa Barbara.” Ari narrows her eyes, sizing him up despite being at least fifteen inches shorter than him. “I’m just about to order some food, if you’d like to join us. I’m Dante, and you must be Ari.”
He reaches his hand forward for a handshake. I can tell by the way he shakes his hand after that she must’ve squeezed the shit out of it, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Fine. I’ll join you. As long as I’m not interrupting anything,” she adds, looking at me with knowing eyes.
“You’re not interrupting,” I tell her, suddenly elated at the prospect of hanging out with my best friend and my—whatisDante to me, exactly?
“Bring the wine,” I tell her, ushering both of them inside. “We’re going to need it.”
March 14th
I thought I could handle a few days apart. A week at most, to get my affairs in order. I told myself that it was necessary, that I needed time to tie up the loose ends from our trip, to clear my head, to regain some sense of control. But I was wrong. Completely, utterly wrong. It’s been less than an hour, and already, I feel like I’m suffocating without her.
The moment we separated, something inside me twisted, a tightness in my chest that hasn’t eased since. The thought of her being so far away—it’s unbearable. I told myself I could manage it, that it was good for me to have this space, but the truth is, I don’t want space. I don’t want distance. I need her close, always within reach, where I can see her, touch her, know that she’s safe.
I’m currently trying to distract myself, burying myself in work, in the details of the emails I’m trying to respond to as I wait for my plane to board, but nothing is. Everything feels hollow, meaningless without her.
I keep imagining her, alone in her house, two hundred miles away. It’s too far. Farther than I can stand. What if something happens? What if she needs me? What if someone else is there, trying to take her from me? The thought drives me mad, fills me with a rage I can barely control.
I need to see her. I need to be with her. Today.
The more I try to convince myself that I can wait, that I can be patient, the more I realize how impossible that is. I can’t wait. I won’t.
I don’t care that it’s a two-hundred-mile drive. She needs me, even if she doesn’t know it yet. And I need her—more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.
I’ll be there by dinnertime, and when I see her, when I hold her again, everything will be right. Everything will make sense. I’ll figure out a way to explain it, to make her understand why I couldn’t stay away. Maybe I won’t have to explain. Maybe she’ll just see it in my eyes, feel it in the way I touch her, and she’ll understand. She has to.
I’m leaving now. I’ll be with her soon. Where I belong, where she belongs—with me.
Always.
Full of the Devil
Dante
Ari stays for an hour,consuming the sushi I had delivered quickly and imbibing a quarter glass of wine. Despite telling her she’s welcome to stay, I know she feels like she’s intruding. She doesn’t quite trust me yet, but she will. I intend to be a permanent part of Francesca’s life, so I’ll have to win her best friend over somehow. We say goodbye, and once the front door closes, Frankie turns to face me.
“So. You missed me?”
I can’t help but smile as I watch her from across the room. “Perhaps.”
“Admit it.”
