“But I’m cool with you taking the lead in the bedroom. Plus, it’s something you enjoy. I want you to have the things that make you happy, Jay.”
He buried his face in the crook of my neck, kissing me there. The sensation caused me to both giggle and shiver.
“You make me happy.”
His breath was hot against the skin on my throat, as he worked his way up my chin, and to my lips. He kissed my lips.
“You make me happy, too,” I mumbled, his lips still against mine.
He broke the contact of our mouths. “The things we’re gonna do when we play, they’re gonna require major trust on your part, Home. And I know how you can be about trust. It’s . . . precarious at best?—”
“Don’t act like that. You know if I don’t trust nobody else, I trust you. Just please don’t ever do anything to break that trust, Jay. That would . . .”
“I know.” He assured me.
“I won’t say it would kill me, but it would definitely bring my world to a screeching halt.”
“Trust is one of the reasons that I didn’t want to introduceplayinginto our lives until we were under the covenant of marriage.”
I smirked. “You’re such a preacher’s kid.” I mimicked him, “under the covenant of marriage.”
He tickled me in the stomach and kissed my cheek. “Yeah, I’m a preacher’s kid, and you know what they say about us. When somebody lets us off the leash, . . . we lose our fucking minds.”
The moment we stepped into the house in Iredia, Jaxxon became Big. Even though the change only took place with his demeanor, it was physical to me as well. I saw it with my eyes. His back went straighter. He stood up taller. His beautiful brown eyes went darker.
He gave me three verbal commands before he instructed the driver on where to place our luggage.
“Ay, Baby.”
Butterfly wings immediately began to flutter inside my stomach at him calling me “baby.” I knew I was no longer dealing with Jaxxon. I was dealing with Big.
“Yes, Big.” Though I didn’t drop to my knees, I did look down at the floor.
Being submissive was almost like a game to me, against myself. It was like I challenged myself about how obedient I could be, without bucking up. Because the truth was, I lived to buck up at somebody trying to tell me what to do. But since the reward for behaving was a stellar sexual encounter, I felt like it was worth the sacrifice.
Though Jaxxon was giving me mostly vanilla sex, it was still mind-blowing, but he was also incorporating tiny bits of dominant/submissive behavior into our encounters.
I couldn’t lie; letting him command me made my coochie leak. Jaxxon took charge on the field, and he generally took charge in life, but with me, he wasn’t like that.
He had the tendency to let me play offense while he adjusted to my actions. Jaxxon understood that for somebody from my dysfunctional background, that looked like support to me. In the words of the rapper Ludacris,when I moved, he moved, . . . just like that. He made me feel safe. He made me feel like I could show my entire ass, crash out, or be a whiny brat, and he would adjust so he could love me through it.
I never thought it was fair to dump all my stuff on him, but I was thankful to God that Jaxxon was built to love me until I got my act together. Everybody couldn’t say that they had a Jaxxon in their corner. I didn’t take his love or his friendship for granted. I wanted to give him everything he gave me and then some. So, even if letting him boss me around in the bedroom didn’t make me hot as hell, I would’ve still let him do it. Because he liked it, and I loved him.
“Good girl, Baby. I like the way that you remembered where your eyes go, and you remembered the proper response. Listen, you’re gonna go upstairs and take a shower. I know your natural inclination is to unpack your suitcase and get everything put away. You’re not to touch your suitcase, at all. You’re not to touch anything. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Big.”
“Good.”
I could hear the smile in his voice. I wanted to smile too. Making him happy made me happy.
“After you take a shower, don’t moisturize or put any product on your body. I wanna smell the natural scent of you, Baby. Only you. Put your hair on top of your head in a bun, a pineapple, whatever you call it. Meet me in the bedroom. Be ready and be in position. You have twenty-five minutes, and it starts now.”
I wantedto chuckle watching Skyy bound up the stairs. We discussed BDSM and kinks ad nauseam since I’d sent her to check outLemon Rain. There wasn’t much that I kept from Skyy. She was my road dog, my closest confidant, and honestly, the love of my life. She was the one person that I shared almost all parts of myself with, so I didn’t keep that part of myself from her, either. I told her when my interest in being dominant was first stoked, and I told her when I started indulging.
One thing I loved about Skyy was the fact that she was so communicative. Yeah, it sometimes led to her being chatty as hell, and me having to tune her out. But mostly it led to a deeper exploration of us individually, and as friends. I wasn’t surprised that she not only let me talk about BDSM, but she also askedquestions. Not the kinds of questions that made it seem like she was anything except genuinely curious. But most people were curious about doms and subs.
Skyy liked adventure, and the thought of kinky sex was adventurous to her. Ever since I gave her a little taste, she was wide open, craving more domination and more control. And I was just the motherfucker who would give it to her.
