“But I thought you—” He broke off, clamping his lips shut on the words.
“You don't understand, Luka,” she said miserably. “I do love you. I just—can't marry you.”
“Why not? Is it your father? Because I—”
She turned away from him, hugging herself. Her voice was low when she answered. “I can't tie myself to a man—any man—not evenyou.”
Luka stared at her, hurt rising in his breast. “What are you talking about?” He shook his head in disbelief. “I thought we understood each other. I thought we had a future together.”
Maya shook her head, tears stinging her eyes as she tried to explain.
“I love you; I really do. But if I were to marry…I know I would end up feeling trapped. And then I would resent you for it. I can't do that to myself. I can't do that toyou.”
Luka’s anger flared, and he stepped forward, his voice rising.
“You can't just run away every time things get tough! We've been through so much together, and you're just going to throw it all away because you'rescared?”
Ordinarily, this would’ve been enough to get her blood up, to get her to contradict him, just to prove him wrong—but this time, she didn’t rise to the bait.
Maya simply stared at him as tears fell down her cheeks.
“I can't pretend to be someone I'm not just to make you happy.”
Luka’s fists clenched at his sides, and he took another step closer to her as he lowered his voice, willing her to understand. “I'm not asking you to pretend to be someone you’re not. I'm asking you to commit to me, to our relationship. Is that too much to ask?”
Maya hugged herself again, her voice shaking as she replied. “I wish it weren't. I wish I could be the person you want me to be. But I can't. I'm sorry.”
“That’s it then,” Luka said, looking at her in shock. How had everything turned so quickly? He’d come here this morning so full of hope, and now…
“We love each other,” he said blankly, “but we can’t be together because you can’t fight your demons for me.”
When she said nothing in reply, he pressed on. “Do you honestly think I would tie you down? That I would turn you into someone like your mother?” He gave a shaky laugh. “Or that I would turn into my father?” He shook his head. “Don’t forget, I had a front row seat to my parents’ dysfunctional marriage.”
“Luka—”
“No, Maya, nowyouhave to listen to me.” He drew himself up to his full height, looking her in the eye so she could have no doubt of his sincerity.
“I love you, Maya,” he murmured, his voice choked with emotion. “I always will. But I can't wait forever for you to change your mind.”
Luka gave her a quick bow, blinking quickly to hide the moisture that had gathered in his eyes.
He stepped away, and then turned to look back at her one last time.
“Forgive me, Lady von Rakhmonov, for taking up so much of your time. I won't trouble you with my company again.”
Luka walked away from her, feeling like he was closing the door on all the dreams he’d ever had of his future.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The coronation of the second Tsarina in the history of the Drakazov Kingdom was a grand, opulent affair. With the Elven ambassadors and the Merovian lords attending as guests of the Crown, it was an occasion steeped in tradition and pageantry.
Maya wished she could’ve avoided it, but as it was a coronation, all the noble families in the capital were expected to attend. She knew Volkov had made the trip up from his province to attend too, if nothing else, she could always look forward to catching up with him after his long time away.
After Luka had left the other day, she’d spent the rest of the day in a daze, going through the motions as if she were an automaton. Her mind had whirled with thoughts of Luka, and what he’d said, her mother’s words to her about not letting her fears define her, and her own love for Luka—all of it had battled for prominence in her mind until she’d retired early after dinner with a headache.
Now, she was forced to say that love and heartbreak had won. She knew Luka wasn’t like her father—or even his own father. But as soon as he’d spoken of marriage, in that moment, the fear had won. All those days she’d seen her mother as a child, unhappy and trapped in her marriage, had come back to her at once, and all she could think of was escape.
With the benefit of time, and hindsight, though, she was beginning to wonder if she’d made a mistake.
