I lean up and face him. “That’s all?”
He nods.
“Why couldn’t you have just told me that?” I ask, laying my head against his chest.
“Because I felt dumb for being told my performance was lacking.”
A ping comes through his phone; he flinches but ignores it. So do I. Although, that ping didn’t sound like his normal text messaging pings. I nuzzle myself deeper in his chest, trying to ignore everything else around us and just be in this moment. We haven’t had a lot of moments like these lately and I miss them.
“Why does Derek think your performance is lacking?”
“Because our reviews have been bad,” he says, loosening his grip around me.
Disappointment floods through me. Does he not enjoy cuddling me like he used to? We used to talk all night with us wrapped up into each other as if we couldn't let each other go.
I lean up and face him. His jaw is back to be tightened, and his lips are pressed into a thin line. While his eyes dart away from me as if he’s unable to hold any eye contact with me. He must really be uncomfortable talking about this. Is this why he’s been turning sex down, because he’s not in the mood with everything going on? I know stress can affect a lot of hormones in the body. The stress must be affecting his sex drive. Instead ofpressing him again about our sex or anything else, I decide to let it go.
Not because it doesn’t matter, but because I see the effect that work is having on him. Especially with the overtime he’s been putting in. My feelings do matter, and I know he’s been taking everything out on me. But in marriage sometimes, you have to have more empathy for your spouse. I see how worn down he looks. He might not have much to give right now, and I keep pushing.
It doesn’t erase my heartache but knowing what he’s been truly going through softens it a little. So for now, I’ll let it go, hoping a little space helps him.
Rya: Please tell me you’re not baking?
Violet: No. Just chilling on the couch with Zayn.
Rya: Oh really! What’s he up to?
Violet: Watching mechanic videos on YouTube. Don’t ask me why. It seems like he would be sick of mechanic work since that’s all he does during the week.
Rya: Laughing emoji. Huh. That’s funny.
Rya: Let’s go shopping. I need some shopping therapy.
Violet: When?
Rya: Whenever you are ready.
I set my phone down and look toward Zayn. He’s lost in his phone, focusing on these YouTube videos. “Zay.”
“Hmm?” he asks, still avoiding my gaze.
“I’m going to go shopping with Rya.”
He doesn’t move his head, but I see him give me a side-eye. “Just you two?”
“Yeah.”
His eyes move back down to his phone. “Why?”
I furrow my brows. “What do you mean, why?”
He lifts his head and looks over at me. “I’m just wondering why only you two are going?”
“Did you want to come?”
“No,” he says, turning back down to his phone.
“Then why are you asking why only Rya and I are going?”
