“What’s confusing you?”
“The whole kissing-soulmate-stop-me-being-alone thing,” I say. “What am I missing?”
“You’re not missing anything. I want to kiss you, be your soulmate, and stop you from being alone,” he answers, fingers pressing into my side.
“But…” I gulp. I will the butterflies to shut up—to give me back the ability to think clearly. “Since when?”
“About two days ago, but probably longer. I could try to pinpoint the exact moment I fell, but I don’t think I’ll find it. It crept up on me, slowly sliding through the cracks until my every thought, my every breath, my every instinct revolved around you. Keeping you safe. Keeping you close. Keeping you loved.”
The butterflies fly faster, fluttering up through my ribcage and brushing against my heart. Blood rushes to my head as Ifight to think. “Are you… I mean… are you sure?”
I would hope he is, if he’s telling me what Ithinkhe’s telling me. But at the same time… we’ve only just become friends. If heissure, then this is the speedrun of the century.
“Positive,” he confirms. “I was sure before I even knew I was sure. I’ve been loving you for months, unaware.” He rests his forehead on mine, closing his eyes. “And that was when you were spending every waking hour hating me, fighting me, doing all that you could to make my life worse. Still, somehow, I’d wake up and I’d look forward to seeing you again. The day you moved in was simultaneously the worst and best day of my life. I hated losing Ruby, but having you there… having you close, where I could check on you? Where I could tell at a glance that no harm was coming to you? I sleep better now. I relax better.”
He makes an unpleasant noise low in his throat. “I did, anyway. I hate that even with you close, I missed so many signs that you weren’t okay mentally, even when physically you were fine. I want to do everything I can to make you safe inallaspects of your life—physical, emotional, whatever. I want to be the person who has that honor forever. I want to figure out how to balance protecting you and letting you make your own choices, so that you can be safeandhappy. I want to be the only man who keeps you safe. The only man who makes you happy.” He sighs, running his hand through my hair. “The only man who gets your soulmate kisses.”
My knees go weak. “That sounds pretty sure,” I mumble.
His nose bumps mine as his eyes crinkle at the edges. “Yeah, Sweet. I’m pretty sure.”
“I’m not… I don’t…”
He shushes me. “I don’t expect you to feel the same way back. Not right now. Not after the way I’ve treated you. My emotions are just that—mine. They aren’t meant to be a burden passed on to you. All I give to you now is my heart, and I ask that you lookafter it while I go about winning yours.”
Well. That I can do. Probably. Surely. The butterflies think I can, anyway, and I trust them.
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Okay,” he whispers back.
“But… does this mean I have to be nice to you now?”
He snorts, kissing my nose before untangling us. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing,” he says. “Except maybe eating three full meals a day.”
Oof. “I can promise you that today I will eat the equivalent of three full meals. At least.”
He sighs, prodding me toward the chip aisle as the kitchen calls, again: “Order! Up!”
“Today we give ourselves disease. Tomorrow we eat things with nutrients.”
He leaves me to pick up our hot food with a kiss on the cheek, sparking ariotamong the butterflies.
“Carrot cake has nutrients,” I call after him, blushing. “Vitamin C, I heard!”
His head shakes as he walks away, but the butterflies tell me he doesn’t mean it. He didn’t ask me to change myself for him or because of him. He doesn’t think I’m too silly or too much or too loud—or maybe he does, but helikesit.
Loves it.
Wants to protect it.
I grab three different kinds of chips, a bag of buffalo sunflower seeds, a Reese’s pumpkin, and some Cheez-Its before moving on to the soda fountain. In the end, we carry ten bags out of the gas station.
And one of them, secretly, has an apple in it.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Bye, Soren.
