I couldn’t feel my hands or arms, either.
Oh, gods, I wasn’t ready.
I wasn’t.
I didn’t want to die.
I wanted to see Casteel.
I wanted to hold Cas, tell him how much I loved him. I wanted to see Kieran, witness his rare smiles. I wanted to apologize to Tawny. I wanted to feel Delano’s soft fur as I hugged him. I wanted to get to know Millicent, my father, my grandparents. I wanted to live—to really live.
I didn’t want to die in Kolis’s arms.
Not again.
But I was. I could feel the coldness of death slipping through my veins and seeping into my muscles. I felt death entrenching itself in my bones. The essence thrummed hotly in the center of my chest. The swaying lights above me dimmed and then darkened. For a brief few moments, I didn’t feel the nerve-wrecking pain. There was nothing. But it didn’t last. The agony yanked me back, and I realized I was on the floor with Kolis above me, feeding, taking. And he no longer had to hold me still.
I concentrated on the embers of eather as I closed my eyes. I didn’t try to reach Cas through thenotam. I wasn’t even sure I could because I couldn’t feel it, but I wouldn’t do that to him anyway. I didn’t want him to know for as long as possible. I wanted him to have hope, even if only for a few more minutes. So, I focused on a memory of him. That was all I could see as some soul-deep tugging motion started in my chest. It felt like hot claws digging in, but I kept the image of Casteel in my mind—one of him reclining against the headboard, his chest bare and dotted with faded scars, his skin flawed but perfect, nonetheless. His head was tilted to the side, his full lips curved in a half-grin, revealing that infuriating dimple in his right cheek. His eyes were the color of heated honey under dark lashes. He was beautiful. He was…
My heart.
My soul.
My King.
Casteel Da’Neer was my everything, and I would never stop loving him. Not in this life, whether it be my last, or if I was brought back. I would always love him. I held on to that image for as long as I could, my lips moving soundlessly, speaking three words…I love you.I love you. Over and over I spoke them as I began to shake, as the air around us charged and hissed.I love you. I love you—
A faint shiver of awareness danced across my skin.
I felt…something.
Powerful.
Cold and unyielding.
I dragged in a shallow breath that carried the scent of fresh lilacs and…citrus. My chest froze, and my eyes fluttered open.
My vision was fuzzy at the edges and blurred in the center, but I thought I saw a flash of intense light as the quaking inside me seemed to spread to the walls and the ceiling.
I thought I saw movement in that light before my vision faded away, beforeIfaded: someone standing, tall and broad-shouldered, face obscured by a helmet made of black stone. I thought I saw something else prowling forward, head low and snarling.
I thought I saw a large wolf with fur the color of bright moonlight.
CHAPTER 58
CASTEEL
The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back, staring up at the glass of the domed ceiling.
It didn’t look right.
The clouds. They hadn’t been there before. Dark, heavy clouds stretched across the sky, their fragmented edges tinged in…
“Casteel,” my father’s voice boomed, snapping my gaze from the sky. He loomed over me, concern etched into his features. “There you are.”
I felt his hand on my face then as I squeezed my eyes closed and then reopened them. “What happened?”
Delano’s head appeared behind Father’s. Then Hisa’s. “You passed out,” Delano said, his bright-blue eyes searching mine. “For about ten minutes.”