“That’s right,” he said, reading my face. “You are not the only one with weakness. If another Baelese had heard his confession, you would both be dead.”
My insides quaked. Our eyes locked from across the desk.
“Thank you,” I breathed. I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes, wiping them hard, my head suddenly pounding. Linette’s voice was screaming in my ear. For the first time, I didn’t want to shush her. I understood her need to use any weapon possible to defeat the Baelese. Like it or not, I knew what I had to do.
I had to make an attempt to save us. “It . . . it wasn’t him I wanted. But I can’t have . . .” I couldn’t look at him, but I felt his eyes on me. My chest heaved with nervous breaths. What was I doing? I was out of my league. He would see right through me.
I jolted and looked up when I heard him stand. I’d never been more nervous or scared in all my life. He held my eyes as he walked around the desk, approaching like some sort of predator stalking its timid prey. My breaths were coming in short, shaky spurts by the time he sank into the cushion beside me, our knees an inch apart.
He was going to call me out on my bluff. Did he have a gun? Would he use voice control? And really . . . were my last words to him a complete lie? What did it say about me that Tater was in my heart, and yet I still felt this strange lure toward the Senator?
He draped an arm across the back of the loveseat, his hand inches from my shoulder, and he faced me. That familiar wave of heat circled between us, keeping me unsteady.
“If I were a human male,” he said, “You would never have had the need to break rules. I would have made sure of it.”
Jesus above. I felt like I’d run a marathon, unable to get my senses in check. My eyes fluttered closed and open again.
“But you’re Baelese,” I said softly. “So a simple touch . . .” I looked at his hand, so close.
“A simple touch for the average Baelese male, can drive him to distraction for an entire day. A kiss, and heavy touching would be like partaking in strong recreational drugs, or over indulging in alcohol. Anything beyond that, he must trust his partner completely, because his mind is gone.”
I stared, trying to decipher any hidden meaning. “But you’re not the average Baelese, are you, Senator?”
“Navis,” he said. “I need you to call me Navis.”
“Navis,” I whispered.
“And no. I am not average. I had the opportunity to build a tolerance to touch. But since the war began, I have been out of practice.”
I nodded, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. He still wanted me. Even knowing I’d been with Tater. I had to take advantage of this. I had to push him. But would he allow it? The ships from Bael were supposed to be arriving in two days. He would never take the chance of being dazed for their arrival. The fact that we were having this conversation showed how weak he must’ve been feeling. Stupid guilt rose up at the thought of taking advantage of him, and I smacked it down.
He’s the enemy.
But he wasn’t looking at me like an enemy.
He killed your parents. He allowed billions of people to be murdered. He tricked everyone.
Those were the thoughts I needed to hear.
“Maybe,” I said. “We can help each other.”
I stayed very still as he considered me, his eyes roaming my face, landing on my lips.
“Ms. Haines—”
“Remy.”
He closed his eyes and tasted my name on his tongue. “Remy.” When he opened them again, he looked fierce and steely, as if he’d made a decision. “I need to relearn my boundaries. One touch at a time. If it seems as though I am losing control—”
“I will pull back,” I assured him, my heart fluttering rapidly.
This was happening. I couldn’t believe it.
He took my hand first. I watched his breathing quicken as he slowly twined his fingers with mine, rubbing his thumb along my softer skin. This simple touch, and the way he watched our connection with complete fascination, did crazy things to me. I let him take the lead, remaining very still as he set my hand on my lap, and ran the back of his fingers up my forearm until he got to the fabric at my elbows. For a moment, his eyes wandered over to my breasts, but he yanked them back to my arm, trailing the back of his fingers up over my shoulder to my neck.
I let out a small gasp when his warm fingers touched my skin. He stopped there, visibly trying to calm himself. Ever so slowly, his fingers spread over the flesh of my neck, his thumb rising up and down my throat. I closed my eyes. When he whispered my name, I automatically moved toward him, and he grasped both of my shoulders in his strong hands. My eyes flew open, and we stared. He looked wild.
He fought to get out a single word. “Slower.”
