“Well, then. Start cutting.”
Caitrin hesitated for a moment longer before dropping to her knees and fumbling for the shears in her bag. She came to Aerity’s side, her breathing ragged. “You’re certain?”
“It will grow back, and the dye will fade. I am absolutely certain.”
Caitrin paused . . . and then the crisp sound of shears cutting and a softthwapof hair hit the floor. A chill of excitement and trepidation ran up Aerity’s spine.
“Seas, Princess!” Caitrin hissed. “What have I done?”
“Keep going.”
So, she did. It seemed like forever before Caitrin stepped back, surveying the mass of strawberry-golden hair, as pink as the sunset, lying at their feet. Aerity’s chest rose and fell with speed. This was really happening. No turning back.
“Now, the color,” she said.
Caitrin applied oil to the skin surrounding Aerity’s hairline to prevent the dye from staining. Her efforts to do a clean job were painstaking and slow. Aerity calmed, enjoying the feel of fingers in her hair. Her mind wandered to Paxton, and what would happen when she saw him. She thought of their kiss, and what she’d give to feel that again . . . and more. The “more” part filled her with a burning curiosity that made her quiver with nervous excitement. Was she willing?
Aerity thought about Lord Alvi, and while she felt a reluctant respect for him, she felt no obligation to retain her innocence for a man who didn’t love her. That left one question. Did Paxton love her? He’d never said as much. They’d scarcely scratched the surface of the feelings between them before he left without a good-bye. But if she saw him, and if he felt the same as her . . . aye, Aerity wanted everything with him. Even if only for a day.
But she had no idea what to expect from “everything.” This wasn’t exactly something her mother spoke of. She could ask her maid, but the thought of it made her stomach flip withnervousness. It took many minutes of working up the nerve before the question croaked out of her.
“What is it like, Caitrin?”
The maid stilled, and the princess’s face flamed.
“That is,” Aerity amended, “not Lord Alvi in particular, just . . . what is it like?” She fidgeted with her fingers in her lap.
After a moment, Caitrin slowly began working again. “May I tell you a story?”
“Please.” She listened, trying to relax.
“Do you recall last spring when I told you about a lad who had come calling for me?”
“Aye.” Come to think of it, Aerity had wondered what happened with that. All spring Caitrin had been full of smiles and joy. And then, Aerity realized with shame, she’d never thought to inquire further. She’d been wrapped up in her own world.
“He was an older boy I’d grown up with who’d left to become a sailor and returned from sea. I’d fancied him for years and you can believe he knew it! Well, I was quite certain he was going to ask for my hand when he returned from his next stint at sea. My parents believed so, as well. Even his siblings were sure of it. So before he left . . . I stopped halting his advances. I figured if I was going to marry him anyway, you know.”
Aerity listened attentively, not moving a muscle.
“It wasn’t anything ground shattering, I regret to say. In fact it wasn’t comfortable or as enjoyable as I expected, butit felt special to me. It was only once, and I had hopes that it would get better over time.”
Aerity was getting a horrible feeling and didn’t dare speak.
“When he returned from sea midsummer, he was not alone. He’d brought a girl from the south. A girl he had married in port because her father had caught them together and insisted upon her honor being salvaged.” Caitrin stopped and sniffed, wiping her nose against her shoulder. “He tried to see me, but I refused. My older brother blackened his eye. By then it was known throughout town that I was not an innocent anymore. And while there are plenty of men who don’t care about that, it’s usually the older widowers and what have you. So I suppose you can say I haven’t been in a good frame of mind when it comes to men, or my own self for that matter.” She sniffed again.
Indignation fired through the princess. “I’m so sorry you went through that, Caitrin.”
“Nay, Your Highness, don’t pity me. I made a choice.”
Aerity stared down at her hands and let a few beats of time pass. “So . . . it’s not enjoyable, then?” If that was the case, she couldn’t understand why such a fuss was made about it.
“Well, I mean, it certainly can be.” Aerity couldn’t see Caitrin’s face, but it sounded as if she were embarrassed. Her maid rushed on. “I think it is different for every person and every couple. With my sailor, I believed we were in love. I can’t say being together did much for me physically, but in my mind it made me feel closer to him.”
Aerity felt tired of being in the dark about all things. Preparing her mind was the only thing she felt she had power over anymore. She took a deep breath and asked a question that was likely inappropriate, but she didn’t care about propriety at the moment.
“And Lord Alvi?” Caitrin’s hands stiffened in her hair, and Aerity continued. “Let’s just pretend he was a passing traveler and not my betrothed. . . .” Her stomach swooped. She didn’t know why she was pressing this except that inquisitiveness seared her from the inside. She heard Caitrin swallow before the girl spoke in a dry, low tone.
“He will make you a very,veryhappy bride if you let him.”
