It’s good that we had the rest of the day off. I opted not to have an ultrasound done on myself. I already knew the results would be the same. I nearly laughed at the irony of the birth control shot I’d given myself days before. What a waste.
We told the guys we wanted to be alone, but they brought us lunch and dinner. I couldn’t let my gaze linger too long on Rylen’s pleading eyes. He so wanted to comfort me, but my heart was too flayed. If I cried, it would be ugly, and I might break shit. I couldn’t let loose what was inside me.
I kept thinking of the image of Remy’s ovaries on that screen, shriveled like raisins. Remy who would have been such a wonderful mom.
No matter how hard I tried not to think about it, an inferno built inside of me, a burning rage against the invaders of our planet. The destroyers. They had conquered us, and it all happened so quickly. We were too trusting in our nature, as humans, we let them take control despite our reservations. I had ignored my instincts.
Never again.
I couldn’t sleep that night. It was like fire ants ran beneath my skin. At two in the morning I slipped from bed and went down the hall and stairs, relishing the spooky quiet all around me. I made my way to the empty gym and stepped onto the treadmill. I started at a jog and lost track of time. My legs still itched, so I turned up the speed and raised the incline. I needed to burn that itch away. I panted for air, savoring every strain of my muscles, every bead of sweat that ran down my face and back. I wanted to run faster and farther.
But what I really wanted was music. I wanted headphones with heavy metal that would blast every last pitiful thought from my head as it all bombarded me.They killed your family. They’ve ruined your body.The thought of my reproductive system being slaughtered by them . . . it was a violation of the worst kind. I desperately needed to feel alive and in control, but something was missing that I’d never be able to retrieve. They’d taken it without a single thought or repercussion. I still remembered the lady’s face who’d given me the shot. The out-of-place questions she’d asked me and her blatant dismissal of my worth.
I was sprinting and panting so hard I could barely see the panel before me. With a shock, I realized my eyes had filled with tears. I punched the power button and jumped off, collapsing into a pile of gelatinous muscles, weeping inconsolably.
And before I could register the door opening, Rylen was crouching next to me, gathering me into his arms right there on the floor, his voice against my ear, “I’m here, Pepper.”
No, oh, God. I tried to pull away and hide my face. Through disgusting sobs, I asked, “What are youdoinghere?” I so didn’t want him seeing me like this.
“I heard your door and followed you,” he said, likeduh. “I was worried.”
“Well, don’t be.” I slashed at my eyes with my sleeve. “Leave. Please.”
“Don’t push me away, Pepper. I’m not scared of your tears.”
Another coughing sob wrenched from my soul. “I’m so disgusting, just leave.”
I wasn’t even sure what I meant specifically. I felt disgusting in every way. On the outside I was sweating profusely on a gym floor and my face was drenched with tears, my nose runny. On the inside I was shriveled. Like an old woman. Not good enough for a virile, strong man.
“I’m not leaving you,” he said into my damp hair.
I sucked in a ragged breath. “I can’t give you babies.”
He gave an ironic laugh. “The last fucking thing I want in this entire world right now is a baby. That is never, ever going to be a problem for me, Pep. I swear. All I want is you. Just as you are.”
He held me tighter and I moved my arms around him, pressing my wet cheek into his shirt. When I’d finally cried all my tears, I became distinctly aware of just how soaked through I was with sweat.
“I’m fine. You should go.” I tried to pull away, but the stubborn bastard wouldn’t let me. “I mean it, Ry. I smell bad.”
He chuckled, then completely took me by surprise by laying me back on the floor mats and kissing me with a burst of passion that made me realize he couldn’t care less how I thought I smelled. He broke away from my mouth and kissed my cheeks, then my eyelids, whispering my name between each kiss. I wanted to cry all over again, overwhelmed by the tenderness of his attention.
I opened my legs and he nestled his hips between them as I wrapped a foot around his thigh, tugging him against me and finding him completely turned on. We stopped moving and stared into each other’s’ eyes. He brushed my long, wet bangs off my forehead.
“I’ll take you back to your room,” he said thickly.
But I shook my head. “No. You won’t.”
Rylen’s eyes stormed over. He looked around us at the small room and exercise equipment on gray mats.
“It’s fine,” I whispered. I took his face in my hands and raised my head to kiss him. At the brush of my lips he was focused again, his mouth moving over mine as our hips moved in sync, rubbing, driving us both to panting. I put a hand on his hard stomach and pushed until he raised himself enough for me to pull my damp T-shirt over my head.
“Pepper . . .” He glanced toward the door. “There’s no lock.”
“Then we’d better hurry.”
“But the floor’s—”
“Shh.” I put a hand over the large bulge in his running pants, and his eyes closed, his mouth opening in a shocked inhale. I let go of him and sat up on my knees to face him. His eyes dipped down to where I was pushing my yoga pants and undies south, over my hips, to my knees. I pulled them off, then tossed my bra on top.
