Are you watching, Mom?I closed my eyes and sent up the silent words. Peace and joy spread through me as I imagined her beaming face, knowing she was beyond happy that Rylen and I had found one another in this madness.
“Amber?”
My face quickly lifted to Tater, standing only a few feet away and surveying me with worry. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” It came out as a whisper. I blinked away the extra moisture from my eyes.
His worry turned to something different. He crossed his arms and turned serious.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you and Ry, but I know him better than you when it comes to girls. He’s not the kind to hook up if he doesn’t care, and he’s still feeling like shit about Livia. Don’t mess with his emotions.”
“I’m not,” I said. His words hurt, but also drew my respect. “I love him.”
His shoulders relaxed. A perplexed, skeptical look crossed his face. “Since when?” It came out like he didn’t believe me.
“Since I was thirteen.”
“Thirteen?” His arms uncrossed as he stared.
“Mom knew,” I told him. “Remy knew too. I just . . .” I looked down at my fingers. “I didn’t think he’d ever feel the same.”
“Oh.” He crossed his arms again, but dropped the standoffish attitude.
“And what about you and Remy?” I asked.
He shrugged, shook his head. “Not happening. She’s going through this ‘born again’ thing anyway. She doesn’t want to be with me.”
“You mean sleep with you?” Now it was my turn to cross my arms.
He scowled. “Whatever. I’m not even talking ‘bout that. She’s the one who feels like she can’t be with a someone without having sex.”
“I think she needs to know that you want more than that.”
“Well, I don’t,” he said. “I’m not getting married or having kids just for the DRI to fucking take them away too.”
I raised my eyebrows and felt myself soften. “Are you going to those classes with her still?”
He scoffed and shook his head, but said, “Yeah.”
“Good. That’s really good, actually.”
He gave a shrug. “I’m not a complete asshole, you know.”
“Yo se.”I know.I reached up and put my fingers through his thick, but soft waves of hair. Mine was straight, like Dad’s side of the family. Tater got Mom’s awesome hair. Her wide, dark brown eyes.
“I miss them,” I whispered. The raw truth of those simple words fissured something inside of me, and I fought to shove it all back into that crack and seal it up before I broke wide open.
“Me too,” he whispered back.
I gulped down the rapidly building moisture until I knew I wasn’t going to lose it. Then I took a deep breath and let it out.
“I’ll see you later,” I said. He yanked a lock of my hair before walking away.
I followed behind him out into the common area. It was still early, but a few people milled about the room. The scent of grits wafted from the kitchen. I watched as Tater passed Rylen sitting in an old loveseat, and the two of them fist-bumped. Tater headed to the tunnel, probably to shower before breakfast.
Rylen remained seated, but his eyes drifted over to me, and I stopped in my tracks while he looked at me in a way he’d never looked at me before. His eyes roamed me, and the look on his face was wholly unguarded, not bothering to be careful. I waited for him to shield those lustful feelings, to snap back into the polite boy-next-door that I was used to seeing, but he had let down his guard in that moment in a way that made me think he was imagining exactly what he’d been doing less than two hours ago.
There was a wild sort of predatoriness about his gaze that made me quiver at the core, though I knew I couldn’t be much of a great sight. I wore my skinny jeans, that were now faded and slightly loose, with sneakers and Sean’s ARMY sweatshirt that he said I could keep. My hair was in a ponytail.
