I leaned down to plant a soft kiss on her lips, gentle, giving her plenty of time for her to pull away, but she didn’t.
“I don’t care about the mug,” I repeated with a soft smile.
The guys and I had texted about laying off the physical affection until she was ready and completely healed. None of us wanted to pressure her into anything she wasn’t ready for, and so far she was not ready for anything more than this. Especially not when she was so fucking jumpy.
That was fine with me, but I had no idea what to do to help her.
I wasn’t like Wynn and Ciel, who were soft and gentle like her. I wasn’t like Cas, who knew her from the inside out and could anticipate her every need. All I had was my sharp tongue and stupid jokes, and none of that was going to take her pain away.
Maybe trying to hug her was a mistake.
“Are you okay?” I asked, smoothing the wild curls from her face. It was a dumb fucking question. Of course, she wasn’t. But it was the only thing I could think of asking.
She nodded. “I’m fine. I was thinking about our plans for tonight.”
Our plans.
We were going after another one of the Vokshi’s ships. TheIron Ghost. We believed they were carrying more trafficking victims. Plus, Orik Vokshi—the youngest Vokshi son—was supposed to meet the ship upon arrival to handle the tradeoff of “product.”
Unbeknownst to him, he had an appointment with my knives. He was about to become very well acquainted with them.
Aside from the arriving ship, fighting the Vokshi had been fucking annoying.
Cas and I had met up with Giulio and his men twice now to hit their other businesses. We’d taken out a liquor store and a pawn shop in New Jersey. We’d been trying to interrupt their operations and put stress on their business, but it just seemed like every time we took out a location, we’d learn of two more popping up elsewhere.
Leona had begged to go with us, but so far, we’d been able to get her to stay back with Wynn. With both of them still healing, it wasn’t safe to leave. Tonight was going to be her first time back in the field.
My brain was in a fucking war with itself.
Before the kidnapping, I could never have dreamed of begging her to stay behind. I’d trained her for hours, taught her how to become a weapon. I’d shown her how to stab a man in the heart, and I’d burst with pride while she’d done it.
I’d never been the man who feared she’d never make it home.
But now? I wanted to beg her—get on my knees and press my forehead to the fucking ground—to stay home. I’d never in my fucking life offered adogezabefore, not even to my oldoyabunwhen he demanded one before he shot me, but I was going out of my fucking mind.
“How about we handle it tonight?” I asked softly. I used to hate the bodyguard for being this man, and now I was here myself. It made me sick to my stomach.
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Stay at the penthouse,” I urged, dragging my thumb down her lip. “Where it’s safe.”
She scowled, pulling back from me. “I would have never expected you to be the one to ask me to do that.”
Me-fucking-neither, but here we were. “Not permanently. Just until you’re stronger.”
“I am plenty strong, Ryuji.”
Shewasstrong—my brain knew that—but she also flinched when we tried to touch her. She woke up every single night screaming from nightmares. Couldn’t she see she wasn’t ready?
“It’s only been two weeks since you got home. Let me handle this. I’ll kill them all. For you.” Once I had,thenshe could be safe. Then I could stop worrying.
“I don’t want you to kill them for me.Iwant to kill them.” She gestured up and down her body. “I’m fine. I’ve been working out at the gym. My fever is gone. There’s literally nothing wrong with me.”
Nothing physical, maybe.
But even that, we didn’t know.
My eyes locked on the scar running down her face. She still wouldn’t talk about what had happened on that ship. Not knowing was driving me crazy. I imagined all the worst things happening to her over and over.
