Both of them were toogood. They weren’t made for the sacrifices this life required. Cas was training to be an amazing enforcer, but he wasn’t bred for this life like I was. He didn’t know or care what it took to run a Family, and neither did Leona. They weren’t made for revenge. They’d balk at what I had to do.
Even if they believed this journal, I couldn’t trust that Luciano wouldn’t turn on them next. He killed his sworn brother. What was Cas to him? A boy he’d picked up off the street. And Leona? It would break her heart.
The two of them weren’t strong like I was. I could handle this alone.
If I did, maybe I could set them both free, so they’d never have to deal with this pain. They could live outside of the Family, away from this nightmare.
Calm settled through my rioting body. Yes. That was fine. I could pretend for now. Bide my time. I could pretend to be the boy they thought I was, even though I’d never be the same.
Feelings cannot dictate action, so I buried them. A tear finally rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away with a solemn promise.
No more tears.
Plans, instead.
Revenge.
Just like Papa taught me.
21
WYNN
My fingers tangled with Ciel’s. They were warm in my palm, and his heat drew me from sleep. His head of fluffy brown hair leaned on the bed next to me while he softly breathed in and out.
“Ciel,” I whispered. He wasn’t supposed to sleep here. He was supposed to go back to the living room to sleep with Leona.
He shot up instantly, fingers squeezing hard. “Wynn. What’s wrong? Are you bleeding?”
I shook my head, trying to disentangle his hand from mine, but he held fast. Where was Willow? Had she left? She had created a makeshift bed with pillows and blankets on the chair in the corner, but it was empty.
“You need to sleep.”
He relaxed slightly as he realized I wasn’t actively dying. A large yawn split his face. “I never sleep, you know that.”
“You sleep with Leona.” I groaned as I struggled to sit up. The pain in my stomach was dull yet throbbing. “More than you ever have before.”
His face softened. “That’s true.”
“So you should be out there with her. She needs you.” I lickedmy lips and swallowed, trying to clear the cotton that seemed to have permanently taken residence in my mouth as a side effect of my medicine.
Seeing Leona again,alive, was soul-shattering. The bruises on her face, the cut down her eye. I’d almost choked on the guilt that wrapped itself around my chest like a python.
I should have protected her. I let her down. I let my brothers down. I’d live with that shame for the rest of my life.
He handed me a glass of water from the nightstand next to my bed. “You need me, too.”
I took the drink without complaint, but then pushed the glass back into his hand. “I’ll be fine.”
I already felt better. I had walked earlier by myself. A quick glance at the clock told me I had slept hours uninterrupted—the longest since I’d first woken up at the clinic. My injuries mattered nothing compared to what Leona had been through.
Memories of my time held captive pushed their way into my waking brain. I could see it as if it were real once again. Chained to a bed. A yellow-painted room. Willow’s screams across the hall. Thesmell. I gagged as if I could smell it right there in my room.
My breath came fast. My ears rang. I was staring at everything and nothing at the same time.
Willow and I had grown up with wonderful parents who taught us to never hurt another person. They were religious, and had raised us to be too, but it wasn’t just that. It was that we had a responsibility to help others, not hurt them—that’s what it meant to be human. They were pillars of hope in our community, and as long as I could remember, I wanted to be good, just like them.
But after so long tied up and abused, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I saw the knife left behind on the counter; I grabbed it, and I stabbed the man who held us captive. It had irrevocably changed me. The stain had rooted in my soul for the first time.
