“We need to agree on some things,” I said. “First, we don’t let her see our shit. Those were the worst fucking days of my life, but they were even worse for her.” Heads nodded around the island. “Second, we do what Willow said: we wait until she’s ready to talk about it.”
Ineededto know the truth, but I also knew Leona. If we pushed her to tell us, she’d retreat even further away. The same thing had happened after Max’s father died. We gave him just enough space, while also letting him know we were there if he wanted to talk. He never did, but he eventually came around and started acting like himself again.
Leona was already distant. It would just get worse if she thought we were pressuring her.
“Okay,” Ciel agreed. Obi and Ryuji followed.
I ran a hand through my hair. The worst of it was over now.
One breath at a time.
19
LEONA
Isat straight up in the dark, chest heaving. Where was I? I pawed for my knife, but all I felt was soft sheets and warm bodies nestled close.
Nightmares.
I was home. I had fallen asleep on the bed Ryuji had made in the living room. The six of us, even Wynn, had crowded around each other after the guys had force-fed me some veggie-loaded soup. I’d fallen asleep almost immediately, and now I was just having a nightmare.
I didn’t dream of Max and all the ways he’d ruined my life like I usually did. Tonight, I dreamt of the pit of that ship, except countless other people, broken and in pain, surrounded me. They’d been trapped, beaten, raped. They were crying out for help, begging me to help them get free, but I was stuck in the cages with them and could do nothing but scream.
What if I couldn’t get them out?
What if I was stuck there forever?
I sucked in a ragged breath, wiping sweat from my brow and trying to reorient myself. At some point, Wynn and Ciel had disappeared and been replaced by Cas and Ryuji. I rememberedCiel kissing my cheek, saying he was going to take Wynn to his room and get him some extra pain meds. But then I’d felt Cas at my front, and Ryu’s arm tight around my waist, and I’d drifted back to sleep within moments.
Cas’s warm body was plastered beside me, but he didn’t move despite my frantic intake of breath. Ryu’s arm was loose around my waist, and his eyebrows furrowed in his sleep.
Where was Obi?
My eyes snapped up. There. He sat in the lounge chair across the room, pulled next to the fireplace to make room for the massive bed. His eyes met mine across the darkness. Of course, he would be awake.
He opened his arms, and I didn’t hesitate to crawl out from the tangle of limbs. Ryu groaned, his arm tightening around me. I brushed a finger across his brow, and he released his grip.
I made a beeline straight for Obi and folded myself in his lap—barely containing the sob threatening to tear from my throat. More fucking tears.Goddamnit. I wanted them tostop. I was home now. I wassafe.
Fear choked me, half remnants from the nightmare and half from the worries that had plagued my mind since I’d gotten home.
Eight women in the cargo hold.
Six returned safely.
Nausea churned in my stomach.
Why did I get rescued but they didn’t?
What if my hands never stopped trembling?
What if everyone looked at me, and all they could see were the scars on my skin?
I had to get this under control. I could manage it.
I could hide how much everything hurt so no one would know about the shame and the guilt.
Wordlessly, Obi’s arms tightened around me and he stood, carrying me with one arm under my knees and the other bandedbehind my back. He walked through the living room and down the hallway to the library. With a gentle kick, the door clicked shut behind us.
