Frustration forced a huff from my lungs. What was the point of talking to him if he wouldn’t tell me the truth? “Fuck you, and fuck your secrets.”
“I know you hate me, Cas. So can you just leave me alone?”
“You’re inmyhome, asshole. You followed us here.”
He straightened. “You’re right. I should go.”
But he didn’t leave. He hung his head between his shoulders, staring at his feet. His face flickered from emotion to emotion, and it was actually a little bit of a relief. Without that passive mask, he looked more like the Max I’d grown up with. More like the man I thought I knew.
“I do hate you,” I said after a few more moments, coming to some sort of uneasy conclusion. “But I don’thate youhate you. I hate whatever is going on inside that fucking thick skull that’s made you believe you have to do whatever it is you’re doing. I only hope that you wake up before it’s too late and realize you don’t have to face it alone. You could have had us helping you the whole time.”
Max inhaled deeply, then reached inside one pocket of his cargo combat pants. He pulled out a notebook. “I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give you this.”
“What is it?”
It was leather bound with a cracked spine and thick, crinkled pages. It looked like a well-read book. The kind that carried damage, but also love from countless reads. He handed it to me. I read the gold script on the front.
“Massimo Volpe,” I breathed. “This is your father’s.”
“His journal. The last one he kept before he died.”
I frowned. “Why do you want me to have it?”
“Honestly?” He sighed. “I don’t know. Read it. Burn it. God knows I’m tired of holding onto it.”
I ran my fingers over his father’s name. Massimo had become a father to me in the years I’d known him, the only father I could really remember. I loved him as my own, and I was devastatedwhen he died. It had hit the whole Family hard, but Max had never quite been the same since.
There were three men in my life that I truly loved: Max, the Don, and Massimo. He was as good of a man as he could be in our world. He kept to his own code and tried to teach Max and me to do the same. He looked out for me along with Alessio. Truth be told, I was jealous of the relationship Max and he had. Iwantedthat, but at the time I didn’t believe I was good enough for it. I’d always felt like I had to prove that I belonged among them. Looking back, it was never Massimo that made me feel that way. Only the Don and my baggage.
By the time I looked up again, Max was at the door and pulling it open. “I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I’m leaving now.”
“Wait—”
He shook his head. “We both know I don’t belong here.”
I had nothing to say to that.
He left quietly, only giving a wave to Ryuji and Obi before he slipped out of the front door.
Part of me wanted to crawl into our bed and sleep next to Leona, Ciel, and Wynn, but the notebook was a heavy weight in my hand. I went to the library instead and started reading.
54
MAX
25 YEARS OLD
It had to be her birthday party.
I’d been over it dozens of times. I’d tried to come up with a different solution by hiring the Shadows, but they’d refused to respond to my offer. I’d paced a hole in my father’s office, running through all the options, all the possibilities.
But every time, I came back to this.
Her birthday party was the only time where Luciano would think himself untouchable. It was the only time when all the other Heads would gather in the same space, and they’d understand the transition of power was necessary. It was the only time I could wave the blackmail in their faces and force them to let this happen.
I couldn’t wait any longer.
On the surface, I knew how fucked up it was. I knew it would irrevocably ruin her life. But on a deeper level, this purging was necessary. It had been a long time coming. It had to be this, and if I had to hurt her to do it, so be it. I’d long since come to terms with the fact that Cas, Leona, and I were never meant to live this life together. It had to be this way, and I couldn’t delay any longer.
