That night at my birthday party, after Max had told me he didn’t see me as a woman, Cas pulled me against his chest and told me he did. Iwantedhim to see me as a woman now.
Maybe I was playing with fire, and perhaps part of it was still trying to recover from having my heart broken, but having his eyes drink in my bare chest sent a bolt of lightning straight to my core. My pulse thumped in my veins as his fists clenched and unclenched, and his breathing went rapid.
His raw desire made me feel powerful. In control.
Like if the sight of my boobs could do this to Cas, one of the deadliest men I’d ever met, then what else could I do?
Time restarted, and I turned away so my back faced him instead. Quickly, I pulled the bra over my shoulders and clasped it. He stood, unmoving as if in a trance, while I pulled my clothes on.
“Earth to Cas,” I said as I buttoned my jeans. On the inside, my stomach was still doing flips. “And you gave me such a hard time for staring.”
He stepped back and exhaled slowly like he was trying to get ahold of himself. He cleared his throat and ran a hand over his forehead.
“No. I’m not putting you at risk by taking you with me,” he said, slightly raspy, as he turned his back. Guess we were going to ignore the boob thing then.
“It’s useless to fight me on this, and you know it,” I said as I followed him.
But that made something snap within him. He whirled on me.
“How thefuckcan I keep you safe if you keep ignoring everything I say?!”
I stared wide-eyed. He hadn’t ever actually yelled at me before. Not like that.
Emotions raged across his face so quickly I couldn’t read them. He opened his mouth and closed it.
This couldn’t just be about me staying safe. I knew, and he knew, he could protect me if something happened. He’d already proven that.
There was something else going on underneath his skin.
“Tell me where the hell this is coming from,” I snapped back.
He took a step back and ran his hands through his hair. “The Shadows are abad idea, Leona. We just don’t have the money to pay them, and they’re going to kill us for it.”
Ah. There it was. He was still upset about hiring them in the first place.
“I told you how this was going to blow back in our facesbeforeyou got us involved,” he continued as he paced the hallway. “And now we have a fucking Shadow on our tail, with no way to pay them.”
“That’s why I want to go with you.” I followed him back to the living room. “It’s not fair that you’re always putting yourself at risk for me. If you’re going to get money, then I should help.”
He shook his head and raised his hands in exasperation. “This is exactly my point! I know better about this, but you’reso fucking stubborn, Leona. It’s driving me crazy!”
I pulled back. “I know I’m fucking stubborn, Cas, but it’s the only thing I’ve got right now. And you knew I was searching them out. You knew I wanted this from the first day you woke up.”
“I thought that maybe Fallon’s warning would have smacked some sense into you,” he groaned. “And then I thought when that Shadow sat right there and told you they’d kill you if you couldn’t pay, maybe you’d come to your fucking senses about this. Maybe you’d just run away with me instead!”
Oh, sothat’swhat this was about. He was pissed I just hadn’t run away with my tail behind my legs like a weakling. He was pissed I wasn’t going to let Max stealeverythingfrom me.
“The way I search out revenge is mybusiness. It wasmyfather who was murdered.Myfamily’s legacy that was stolen. You don’t understand what that feels like.”
“I don’t?” he said, voice raising, a bitter laugh splitting the air. “I don’t understand what it’s like to have the only father figure I’ve ever known murdered? I don’t understand what it’s like to have my best friend blow my life to pieces? I think I understand that better thananyone else, princess.”
“Then you understand why I have to tear him apart! And why the Shadows are the fastest way to accomplish that!” I yelled right back. Why the hell was he being so difficult about this? Why couldn’t he justseethat we could do this? I had money if I could get my hands on it. He had money. We could hire them, and it would be taken care of.
I didn’t want to live in fear for the rest of my life. I wanted the fucking nightmares to stop. I wanted to feel like I had done my father justice so I couldliveagain. I didn’t want to carry around this guilt forever.
“I don’t! I don’t understand why you can’t just let me help you!”
“Because you want torunCas!” I groaned, stepping forward and poking his chest with my finger to accentuate every word. He never would have agreed to this plan. I wanted him here with me, but I needed to drive this on my own. “I’m done fucking running!”
