“And then what?”
“And then we survive,” I said. Max would pay for this. For all of her pain. For the hard road we had ahead. I meant it when Isaid I’d kill him. “We give him a bigfuck youfor every single day we stick around. Use your pain as fuel. Fuel to keep going.”
“So we can keep running for the rest of our lives?” she laughed bitterly. The usual ringing tenor of her voice—one of my absolute favorite things about her—was laced with resentment. “Is that what you want, Cas? To be stuck to me, always watching our backs, until one day we make a slight mistake, and finally he finishes what he started?”
“Yes, Leona,” I hissed, grabbing both her cheeks. My eyes searched her, looking for that spark she’d buried. “Yes, I want that. I want you tolive.”
Because I can’t live without you.
She jerked her face out of my hands. “No. I can’t do that to you. I can’t be the reason you die, too.”
“Maxdid this. Not you,” I said as calmly as I could. Fury still simmered in every vein in my body, but I’d never want her to think it was directed at her. “I need you to hear me that you are not a burden. It is my duty to keep you safe, and I will until the end.”
“You should just leave me here.” She flicked at the edge of the sandwich paper. “You can still escape. You can move on. I know you’re more than capable of disappearing without a trace. But I’m just dead weight. I’ll slow you down. Let him find me, I don’t fucking care anymore.”
I leaned back on my heels and raked my hand through my hair. “Is that what your father would want?”
“Don’ttalk about my father,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “Don’t.”
“No, princess. I’m not going to let you bury it. I won’t let you give up, and you know he wouldneverwant you to.” I grabbed her hand and placed it over my heart so she could feel it beating strongly underneath her palm. “I will not abandon you. As long as this heart beats in my chest, I’m not giving up. You’restuck with me, solean on me. We’ll find our solid ground again together. Rely on me, and I’ll teach you how to move on. We can live again.”
Her fingers curled into the fabric of my shirt. She leaned forward, resting her head against my chest. Like they were fuckingmadeexclusively for her, my arms wrapped around her and pulled her against me. She fit perfectly. If everything wasn’t so wrong, it would have been the most right thing in the world.
Why did Max have to go and fuck everything up?
“One breath at a time,” I murmured against her hair. I couldn’t keep myself from pressing my lips to it, pulling her tighter against me. She took slow, deep breaths, but no tears came. My girl was so fucking strong, but those tears were going to come eventually, and I’d rather they come when I can wipe them from her cheeks. If she couldn’t cry now, I’d wait until she was ready.
We sat like that for five or ten minutes, just quietly breathing. Trying to make it one more.
Finally, in a voice so quiet I barely heard it, she responded. “One breath at a time.”
I closed my eyes, pressed my forehead against hers, and let out my own sigh of relief. She wasn’t giving up. My princess would fight.
“Let’s find a first aid kit and get you into some new clothes. That sound good?”
She pulled back, and a little bit of the spark had returned to her eyes. Not much, but it was enough for now. “Sounds good.”
7
LEONA
The world had no color.
How, in twenty-four hours, could a world that used to hold such promise now be suddenly so… empty?
Caspian was the only reason I was still breathing.
One breath at a time.
It was my new mantra, and so far, it had gotten me through approximately 3,000 breaths.
A person takes an average of sixteen breaths per minute while at rest. It had been about three hours since Cas had pulled me back from the brink of a mental breakdown, so yeah. Approximately 3,000 breaths. Each one was a dagger to my heart, but at least I was still alive.
So here we were at a Goodwill looking for new clothes and essentials. Cas had found some extra clothes stashed at the safe house, so I wore oversized sweatpants and a sweatshirt with the hood pulled up to hide my red hair. I’d taken a quick shower and almost lost my shit when I saw the water tinge red, and I realized it was my father’s blood coming off my hair. Once again, Cas had kept me from losing my mind. He helped me out of the shower, dried me off, and helped me get dressed without saying a word.
I couldn’t even feelanythingthat he’d had to help me through something so humiliating. My emotions were broken. Gone. Whatever, it was probably easier than the alternative.
One breath at a time.
