“I don’twanttime to myself.” The sentence bursts out of me before I can stop it, and I know I sound harsh.
Paige is still looking out the window. “Well, I do.”
My hands squeeze the steering wheel hard. This is all going so wrong.
“Look, I know it seems like I’m jetting off to LA right after something big happened for us. I’m not running, okay? It’s bad timing, but I just need to see this one opportunity through before—”
“I get it,” she cuts me off, her voice cold and hollow. “I’m not some groupie you have to placate. I understand commitments. This is something you want to do, so you’re going to do it. Don’t make it about me resenting your career, because I don’t.”
“I never said that.”
I change lanes and steer the car over to our exit, narrowly avoiding hitting someone in my blind spot. My whole body has tensed up. We make it a few blocks towards Paige’s neighbourhood before I explode again.
“Why are you doing this?”
She stares at the dashboard. “Doing what?”
“That. Not looking at me. Talking that way. Shutting me out. I don’tgetit, Paige.”
She still won’t fucking look at me.
“I told you, I just need some sp—”
“Butwhy? I understand needing to go slow. I really do. I get that, but you’re acting like we barely even know each other, and ithurts.”
I pull up at a red light, my chest rising and falling with my panting breaths as I grip the steering wheel so hard my knuckles go pale. After forcing myself to let out a few long exhales, I glance over to see her finally turning her head.
She’s crying, one tear streaking down each side of her face. Something hard and heavy slams into my chest at the sight.
“Paige, I—”
She gives a slight shake of her head just as the light turns green. We’re almost at her building now, so I get us there as fast as I can and kill the engine once we’ve pulled up to the curb. She’s staring straight ahead out the windshield now, tears still streaking down her cheeks even though the rest of her is still.
“Paige, what is it?” I undo my seatbelt and lean in closer, not sure if I should touch her. “You can talk to me.”
“I just...” she whispers. “I just don’t think I know how to do this.”
“You do.” I cover my hand with hers where it’s resting on her thigh. “Paige, you’re everything I want. You don’t have to be anything other than what you are. That’s all I need.”
I don’t care if it’s too much or too early. It’s true, and she needs to know it.
“What if...” Her hand twitches under mine. “What if I can never trust you? What if I don’t know how to do that with people anymore?”
I ignore the way my stomach drops.
“We’ll figure it out. I know we will. Paige, please.”
I just wish she’d look at me. I could make her believe it if she’d look at me.
“I think...” She shifts her hand to lace her fingers through mine, and for a moment, I’m flooded with a sweet relief. “I think I should go inside now.”
A chaser of dread follows the hope down.
“I just really need to figure a couple things out. Can you give that to me?”
I finally catch her eye, and I see the truth there. She’s scared, terrified even, but she’s still the same Paige from last night, the same Paige I brought home from the hospital, the same Paige I saw standing at her locker all those years ago. She’s the girl I’ve known all along, the girl I feel like I always will know, the girl who can do this no matter how much she thinks she can’t.
I just hope to god she can see it too.
I nod and whisper, “I can.”
She stays a second longer before getting out of the car. She grabs her suitcase from the backseat, and then she’s heading inside her building without looking back.
I think about what my dad said, about giving her what she needs and being there waiting at the end. I wish I’d gotten a chance to ask him how I can be sure she’ll be there too.
