I sit there watching her, begging for a sign, some indication that last night meant to her what it did to me. I’m not even sure how to put it into words yet, but something clicked into place. As I drifted off to sleep with my body curved around hers, it was like every worry just slid off my shoulders and floated away. I felt stronger. I felt ready.
Until she sat so far away from me and refused to meet my eyes. It’s like I’ve entered an alternate reality from where I was two minutes ago. I was ready to roll over in bed and ask her to be my girlfriend, and now all I want is just to hear her say we’re all right. I don’t want to go back to this version of her. I want the real Paige.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” I ask. “If there’s anything you want to know, or...maybe we could just hang out? Did you still want to do the brunch thing with my family?”
I know the answer before she even says it.
“I’m not sure. I’m pretty tired. I think I might just need some time to myself this morning.”
I blow out a breath. “Paige, I get that. I really do, and it’s totally fine, just...don’t shut me out, okay? After what we shared, after what I felt, after what I hope you felt too, I just can’t...I can’t...”
My throat starts getting thick. She moves close enough to grab my hand where it’s resting on top of the blanket.
“Of course I felt it. That’s why I need a little time. It’s a lot for me. I know it’syou, but I still...You know what happened in the past, and...”
“Yeah.” I squeeze her hand back as the urge to track down every asshole who’s ever done her wrong makes my blood boil. “Of course.”
“I think I just need to let my brain catch up with my body, or my body catch up with my brain? I’m not even sure which at this point.”
She lets out a weak laugh. I chuckle too, but it sounds forced.
“I get that. I do.”
She raises our joined hands to her lips and kisses one of my knuckles. I close my eyes and savour the feeling, the warmth of her breath and softness of her mouth. I turn the moment into something to hold onto.
“Oh look, it’s my bra!”
She drops my hand and gets up to snatch the black fabric from under the plain hotel room desk before balling it up in her hand.
“So you’ll, um, text me when you’re ready to leave?” she asks as she heads for the door.
We’re driving back to Montreal together this afternoon.
“Sounds good.”
And then she’s gone. The door clicks shut behind her, and the sound hits me like a blow, leaving a bruise somewhere deep inside me.
I go through the motions of showering, getting dressed, and joining my family and the wedding party for brunch. Everyone is so busy slinging back coffee and reliving last night through funny anecdotes for my lack of participation to put a damper on anything. My mom’s parental instincts make her zone in and give me a concerned glance from across the table when she sees me picking a piece of toast apart instead of eating, but I just mouth ‘not hungry,’ and it seems to satisfy her.
I can’t get over the whiplash of this morning. When I woke up, I still had that crazy ‘this is the first day of my new life’ feeling I did when I held her as we fell asleep. I keep telling myself it makes sense for her to want a little time on her own, but I felt like the whole world got pulled out from under my feet when she wouldn’t come near me.
After the meal, waving Aaliyah and her husband off for their honeymoon distracts me enough to remember to be a good brother. I pull her in for a tight hug, and she squeezes me back.
“You were a beautiful bride,ukhti,” I say as we break apart. “You’re always beautiful.”
She smacks my arm, but I can see her tearing up a little. “So cheesy.”
“But true. Be good in Greece, okay?”
“Oh, I won’t be!”
She waves me off and hugs a few more people before getting into the car. Our little crowd starts dispersing after we’ve waved them out of the driveway, and my dad finds his way over to me.
“How are you, son?”
I grunt instead of answering. He chuckles.
“Ah, I see. How did things go yesterday? With Paige?”
