I send him a quick apology and start typing out an explanation, but my phone rings with a call from his number before I can finish. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s still in the mood to make business calls this late on a Saturday night; as he likes to say, ‘the industry never sleeps, and neither do I.’
“Where the hell have you been?” he asks before I can say anything.
“Well hello to you t—”
“Yes, hello, hi. Forget that I asked where you’ve been. It’s not important. What’s important is that I have news for you, Youssef. Big news. Devastating news, but like, devastating in a sexy way.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was on coke or something, but he barely even drinks. Success is his drug of choice.
“All right. Hit me.” I take a deep breath and realize that I’m all but cringing at the thought of what he’s about to say.
I’m cringing at the thought of good news about the career of my dreams.
“I heard back from Nautilus Records.”
“Huh?”
I recognize the name. Nautilus Records is an up-and-coming label in the dance and pop genres. They’re based in Los Angeles and have only been around for a few years, but they’re already shaping up to corner the market.
I just don’t know what we’d be hearing back about.
“It’s early days, and I don’t want to jinx it,” Mohammad cautions, “but they do want to fly you and I down to LA to have a chat.”
“About...what?”
“About you collaborating on a single with one of the pop stars on their roster! We’re alsomaybelooking into getting you signed for some kind of short-term deal, but that’s still a big if.”
My voice comes out the exact opposite of enthusiastic. “I didn’t know you were looking into that.”
“Yes, you did. I’ve told you like five times. I swear half the things I say to you go in one ear and out the other. One of us has to care about your career, so yeah, I’ve been pushing for an in with Nautilus. We’ve got to dream big, shining star.”
He laughs, but I don’t join in. My stomach is rolling.
“Oh come on, Youssef,” he continues after a moment of silence. “Don’t give me more of that imposter syndrome stuff. You deserve this opportunity. You deserve everything that’s happening to your career. This is where you’re supposed to be. This is what you’ve always dreamed of. It’s what you hired me for.”
I sit down on the couch again and listen to his words repeat in my head.
Where you’re supposed to be.
What you’ve always dreamed of.
Imposter syndrome.
That’s what him, Nabil, and even my parents keep telling me I have, and in a lot of ways, it sounds right. I don’t believe I deserve any of this. I don’t think I belong. Sometimes I can’t even make myself believe it’s all real.
I mean, Nautilus Records wants me to do a single with a pop star? They’re going to fly me to Las Angeles to talk about a deal?
This is stuff that happens to someone else, not me.
“Hello! Earth to Youssef.”
“Uh, right. Hi. Yes.”
Mohammad laughs again. “You didn’t hear any of what I just said, did you?”
“Uh...”
“I said that I believe in you. I wouldn’t be working for you if I didn’t. This music you make, it’s making a difference. People need it. Do you know how many people have told me your single is the song of the summer? You’re making memories for them, Youssef. You have talent. You have a gift. I know it seems like I’m always chasing after big contracts and gigs that pay well, but it’s all just a means to an end. I do this job because I believe in music. I believe inyourmusic. You should too.”
