“I wouldn’t say she’s being rude. It’s more just that it seems to physically pain her to depend on somebody.”
“Probably especially when that person is you.”
“What do you mean?”
She chuckles again. “You two thought you were so secretive and subtle back in high school, but I could see—”
“Hold on.” I cut her off when I hear a loud bang followed by a hiss and a curse from inside Paige’s room. “I think she just woke up. I’ve got to go. Thanks for your advice.”
“Anytime. I hope she’s all right, by the way. It sounds like it was a nasty accident.”
“Yeah.” I shudder as I push myself up off the couch. “It was. I’ll talk to you later.”
We say goodbye, and I pocket my phone before reaching for the bedroom door. I find it’s already cracked open, and when I get inside, I discover Paige plopped down on the floor just beyond the doorway. She’s rubbing her arm, and she grimaces when she looks up at me.
“Yes, I fell down.”
“Shit.” I drop to my knees in front of her and kind of flutter my hands around her arm, not sure what to do with them. “Did you hurt yourself?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing new bruised except my ego.”
“How did you—”
I look between her, the door, and a milk crate full of CDs on the floor. Then it clicks.
“You were listening to my phone call, weren’t you?” I can’t help smirking. “And then you tripped over that.”
“That is not a provable theory. I was just trying to leave my bedroom.”
Even after all these years, I can still recognize the difference between her usual defensiveness and her ‘I’m totally lying and being extra defensive to cover it up’ defensiveness. It’s a subtle variation, but visible to the expert eye.
“I just...” She stares down at her knees, still rubbing her arm, and she seems to get smaller all of a sudden. “I hate how trapped this makes me feel. It fucking sucks to not be able to look after yourself. It’s degrading. It’s...It makes me feel like I’m stuck in a cage with people poking sticks at me, and I can’t do anything about it. Ihatenot being able to control my own body. It’s just...I can’t...”
She trails off and shudders, and I’m pretty sure I know what she’s thinking about. I still remember everything she ever trusted me with, every story and memory and fear.
“I know.”
We sit there for a moment, wrapped up in a past that clings to us like perfume. I want to put my arms around her and tell her everything’s all right. I want to hold her until I believe it and she believes it too. I open my mouth to speak again, but she beats me to it.
“I shouldn’t have taken that out on you, though. Iwasrude. I want you to know that I’m...grateful.”
I almost chuckle at the face she makes when she says the last word, like she’s just downed a shot of the world’s most gag-inducing cough syrup.
“It’s my pleasure. I mean it. I mean hey, you’d do the same thing for me, right?”
Her eyes lock onto mine, and they’re filled with a hollow, ghostly pain. She’s watching me like I’m a knife that cut her a long time ago, one that’s gone a little dull with the years but not enough to make her forget what it was like to feel the blade digging in.
It doesn’t make any sense. If anything,I’mthe one who should be looking at her like that.
“You know what?” she murmurs, almost to herself. “I would.”
We’re so close. I could lean forward and kiss her if I wanted to. Idowant to. I want to take her face in my hands and start over.
Instead, I give her my hand.
“Come on. Let’s get you off the floor.”
After some manoeuvring—and a lot of swearing and groaning from Paige—I get her into the living room and ask if she’d like more food.
