11Oceans || Seafret
COLE
Hell is a tour bus.If eternal damnation exists, it looks like fifteen people and all their shit—literal and otherwise—crammed onto a coach, getting shuttled around North America for god knows how many hours on end.
We pull up to the grounds of the festival we’re playing just outside D.C. and the entire bus is empty within seconds. I don’t know if it’s the heat, the demanding schedules, or the fact that the honeymoon phase is clearly over and we’re all starting to hate the sight of each other’s faces, but tour morale is at an all time low. Even our performances are starting to show it. We’re off. We all know what playing at our best feels like, and this isn’t it.
I’m wandering around the parking lot trying to stretch out all the kinks in my legs when Matt catches up with me.
“Hey, man, you want to get food? I’m fucking starving, and I want to eat something before soundcheck.”
This festival is on the smaller side, and we scored the main headlining slot. It’s not even eleven in the morning yet, but we probably won’t have time to eat again for another few hours, so we look up the nearest pizza spot. I suggest checking if anyone else wants to come, but Matt’s in a weird hurry to leave and practically starts trotting his ass away before I’ve even finished asking.
We order a large at the place’s counter and sit down to wait for our food.
“So,” Matt begins, trying and failing to look casual as he stretches his arms above his head, “I’ve noticed that you and Roxanne are, um, not in optimal condition.”
So this is why he wanted to get pizza alone. He’s going to try his Dr. Phil routine out on me. Matt likes to think of himself as a ‘problem solver.’
“Have you?” I ask, in a tone that implies I don’t want this conversation to continue.
“Yeah,” he tells me, “everyone has. It’s kind of hard not to. Look, I don’t want to pry or get in your business, but we live on a bus together, man. When someone has a problem,everyonehas a problem, especially if it involves two people who have to go on stage together every night.”
I let out a breath. “You’re right.”
He looks taken aback. “I’m right?”
If I’m honest, I know Roxanne and I’s issues are starting to fuck things up for more people than just the two of us. When you’re living in quarters that close, you tend to absorb other people’s emotional states, and I wouldn’t say Roxanne and I are a fun dynamic to absorb. It’s been three days—and three shows—since the shower incident, and we’ve yet to get a chance to revisit whatever the hell happened between us.
All I know is that we’re more twisted up than ever, and while we may be seeking different end results, this isn’t where either of us wanted to wind up on the tour.
“We’re making things hard for everyone. I get that. I don’t want it to be that way, but I don’t know...”
I give up on finishing my sentence. I came here for pizza; I wasn’t prepared for a campfire heart to heart.
“I’m not just saying this because of the tour,” Matt explains. “I’m not going to lie; that’s a big part of it, but you two clearly took a turn for the worse, and we don’t want that for you, whether it directly affects us or not. If you want help—”
“Like getting locked in a shower together? That reallyhelpeda lot, thanks very much.”
Matt sighs. “I did try to stop him, you know.”
“I don’t want help, man. I’ll talk to her, okay?”
“Do you know what to say? Because—”
I hold up a hand. “I’ll talk to her. She doesn’t want to ruin this tour any more than I do. We’ll sort it out.”
He looks as convinced as I sound, which is not saying much.
“Look, I had this idea—”
“No more plans, Matt!” I protest.
He waves me down. “Just hear me out. You’re clearly not getting anywhere with each other, and I don’t see whatever shit you have between you sorting itself out anytime soon, so for the sake of all our sanities and the future of the band’s career, what if you just...faked it?”
“Fakedit?”
“Yeah!” Matt urges, like someone who thinks he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. “Just pretend like you’ve had an emotional breakthrough and you’re a happy couple again. It won’t fix the tension between you and Roxanne, but it if you can pull it off, itwillkeep everyone else from picking up on that tension. That’s all we really need.”
