“Oh!” Kay’s face falls. “This is a Cole song, isn’t it?”
Damn her and her journalist’s intuition.
This isn’t justaCole song; this istheCole song—oursong— but I laugh the comment off and wade through the crowd. I make it out onto the sidewalk, the cool night air hitting my skin just as Brandon Flowers starts to sing the opening lines of ‘Read My Mind.’
Out of every fucking song they could have played, they had to play this one. They had to play this song at this bar, which I only ever worked at because ofhim, while I’m surrounded by people I only ever met because ofhim. My whole life in this city always goes straight back to Cole. I can build as many floors as I like, but he’ll always be the foundation.
I don’t know why it’s been hitting me so hard these past few days. Sometimes I can ignore it. I can go a week straight without wanting to call him. I can go out with other people. Hell, I cansleepwith other people and feel fine, but then something sets me off, and I end up like this— alone on the sidewalk, head spinning and heart pounding just because of some stupid song.
There are a few smokers out here, pressed up against the wall next to me. I know the smell should repulse me, but it only draws me closer.
Tabarnak. I give in. Just one to get me through this song.
“Desolé,” I say to the smoker closest to me, a girl with a leather jacket and a shaved head. “I left mine at home. I don’t mean to be a bum, but...?”
This is what nicotine does to you. It eats your pride and leaves you begging.
The girl looks me up and down before reaching into her pocket and holding her pack out to me. I slide a cigarette out and thank her. She just nods and lets out a puff. I dig for my lighter in my purse, but I can’t get the damn thing to work. I don’t know if my hands are shaking in anticipation or dread.
I’m cursing under my breath, and I feel leather jacket girl’s eyes on me as I try and fail for what must be the tenth time when thesnickof another lighter sounds and flame appears just a few inches from my face.
“You should quit.”
Somehow, I go hot and cold all at once.
This is how we met. This is how it happened. We always return here. We always circle back. Like the chorus of a song, we repeat and repeat and repeat.
