“IfIcould be frank, Mr. Sanders, is the company really going to be interested in my capabilities as an advertiser if it doesn’t involve me being in front of a camera? I need to do what’s in the best interest of my career in the long run, even if it means passing up an opportunity that could help me in the short run. I can’t afford to be sidetracked by a job thatmightbenefit me, without having some kind of surety that itwill.”
“Are you asking me to guarantee you anotherjob?”
Instead of answering, I give him a question of my own, one that’s been in the back of my mind since the first email I got from him. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you so interested inmefilling thisrole?”
I catch his eyes roaming over me and expect some kind of response about my ‘aesthetic,’ but his answer surprisesme.
“You have the potential to do well in this industry, and I think you could be a valuable asset to Palmer & Turquot. This is the only way I can offer you an ‘in’ right now.” He must see how taken aback I am, because he leans forward and smiles. “I can’t give you the kind of surety you’re looking for at the moment, but you have my interest, and in this company that means alot.”
I know he’s right. I also know that if I take this job, I’ll be able to kick its ass no problem. I haven’t even seen the products and I already have several strategies in mind, but there’s no guarantee those ideas will even be considered, never mindaccepted.
“Are you really going to be able to asses my worth as an advertiser based on a few Instagramshots?”
“If you’re as good of an advertiser as the ones we need here at P&T, then yes. Bottom rung, Miss Dominguez. Even as an intern you wouldn’t get much more decision making power than this. I’m giving you a chance to start yourclimb.”
That’s more than I can say about any of the other firms I’ve contacted. I’ve tried to stay positive about it, but the fact that I’ve only gained a single opportunity so far still stings. P&T might not be what I had in mind when imagining where the showcase could get me, but they’re the only thing stopping my life from turning into a total let-down rightnow.
I think of Aaron and my fists clench. There’s been a lot of letting downlately.
“How many hours a week?” Iask.
Jim smiles even wider, the satisfaction of knowing he’s won etched into every line of his shark-likegrin.
“Most of your work will be done from home. The campaign will run for three months. It’s not a full time commitment, so it should only be about fifteen hours. You’ll need to come in here or on location for a photo shoot about once aweek.”
“And thepay?”
“Aboveaverage.”
He gives me a number and I do my best to hide my shock. If he’d mentioned the salary earlier, I might have been a bit easier to convince. I’ll have to cut back on my freelance work to do the job, but the money will more than make up forthat.
I draw in a breath and let it out, counting to ten before Ianswer.
“Alright. I accept theposition.”
Jim chuckles. “You don’tquitehave the job yet. We’ll need to take a few photos and submit them to the client for approval. We’ll do that now, if you’reready.”
I nod and we head back to the room from earlier after Jim fires off a text on his cell. When we approach, a group of dejected looking models are filing out of theroom.
“You heard me,” ushers the clipboard guy. “They’ve made their choice. Sorry,ladies.”
“I didn’t even get to audition!” I hear one of the women complain to the girl next to her. “We waited for two hours. The least they could do is seeeveryone.”
They turn to stare as Jim leads me inside. I feel mental daggers being thrown at my back as wepass.
Inside the audition room, I’m asked to stand in the makeshift photography studio while the photographer snaps a few headshots and full body length photos. I’m glad this particular shoot doesn’t actually involve standing around in a swimsuit, but I know I’ll have to get used to theidea.
As the photographer gives me a few words of instruction on where to look and how to pose, I can’t help but picture Aaron duck-walking around in his underwear. When shooting with him, sometimes I forgot the camera was there at all. I’m painfully aware of it now, standing rigid and awkward as Jim and his two carbon copies lookon.
The ordeal is over with after a few minutes, and Jim tells me he’ll set up a meeting with an HR rep sometime this week so I can complete the hiring process. He seems to think it’s guaranteed the client will approveme.
When I finally make it back to my car, I notice a voicemail alert on my phone. I check the number. It’s fromAaron.
He hasn’t contacted me since I discovered the photos, and to be honest, I didn’t expect him to. There’s not much else to say. Curiosity, combined with a longing to hear his voice that I try to convince myself I don’t feel, gets the better of me and I hold my phone up to myear.
“Christina. Hi. Um, it’s Aaron, but you probably know that already. I’m sorry I took so long to call. I’m sorry I reacted like that when you found, uh, the pictures. You have to understand that it took me completely by surprise. Tiff—that girl, she’s not something I ever...So few people actually know...Look, I’m doing a bad job here. I care about you, though. Like, really, really care. Everything I said was true. I’ve always had a thing for you, Dominguez, but these past few weeks I just find myself thinking about you all the time. I know you had that P&T interview and I’m worried about you. Can you give me a chance to explain? This is really cliché, but the whole thing with the photos isn’t what it seems. I just need a chance to see you, to tell you thewhol—”
The recording times out, cutting him off mid-sentence. I’ve never heard him sound that scattered before, so unsure of himself. I can picture him pacing around his apartment and tugging at his beanie while speaking into thephone.
The image doesn’t bring forth any sympathy in me, though. The message just shows what a douche he really is. Even in the throes of distress, the best he can come up with is telling me he’s always had a ‘thing’ for me, like some kind of smug high school heartthrob trying to score with afreshman.
And he’s ‘worried’ about me because of the interview? ‘Interested’ would have been a better choice. ‘Curious about the results’ could have worked. ‘Worried’ just implies that he doesn’t think I can make the right decision, that I’m too naive to do this on myown.
Part of me knows I’m nitpicking, that it’s easier to find reasons to be mad at him than to let the pangs of longing I felt throughout his message swallow me up. Every part of me aches to be with him, even if it was something as simple as sitting next to him in my car. The sight of Aaron Penn used to fill me with nothing but frustration, and while he never stopped making me want to pull my own hair out, I was starting to feel other things whenever he walked into the room: a rush of both excitement and confidence, an easing in my chest that meant I was safe, no matter what the world was going to throw atme.
I know what I saw, though, both in that closet and in his face when I questioned him about it. Whoever she is, he loves her. That kind of love doesn’t leave room in your life for anyoneelse.
