Zain kissed her forehead, the soft touch lulling her into a warm haze. She drifted off, the steady rhythm of his heart beating against her cheek following her under until everything shifted. Footsteps replaced the soothing sound, starting and stopping, drawing closer until that eerie tone strummed through the air.
Saylor covered her ears, falling to her knees as chaos unfolded around her, each moment flashing to life in a bolt of lightning. Waves crashing. The ship listing to starboard. Lights bounced along the water, that tone growing louder until it crushed down on her. Stole whatever oxygen was in the air.
She reached out, tried to grab the Zodiac, but it stayed oddly out of reach, swinging in the wind as theVigilantrose and fell beneath her. A shadow moved in the background, familiar eyes staring at her from the darkness as he raised his weapon, the muzzle pointed her way.
“Saylor!”
She jerked awake, fighting off hands and blankets when a soft light brightened the room, Zain’s face materializing beside her. She froze, chest heaving, sweat beading her forehead, that damn tone still ringing in her ears.
She covered them, willing away the noise, as Zain tugged her against his chest, rocking her back and forth until the worst of the dream had faded. Tears burned her eyes, images still lingering in her head when one face wavered amidst the shadows.
Her breath caught, those dead eyes coming to life fora moment as they stared up at her from the deck. “He was there.”
Zain stilled as he brushed back her damn hair. “Easy, sweetheart. Just breathe.”
She shook her head, pulling away. “He was there. On the ship. I saw him.” She pounded the heel of her hand against her forehead as black dots crept in from the sides. “I saw him. I’m not crazy.”
“Whoa, no one thinks you’re crazy, but if you don’t slow your breathing, you’ll pass out.”
She stared at him, everything dimming around her, before he eased her back into his arms. A choked sob bubbled free, those tears spilling over as her strength waned, and she collapsed against him.
“That’s it, just let it go for now.”
She focused on his voice — the pitch, the cadence — anything to dim that ringing in her head. The tone that never quite faded.
Zain dropped a kiss on her forehead, before tucking some of her hair behind her ear. “Better?”
Another sob clawed at her throat, but she managed to crush it before it escaped. “If feeling as if I’m losing my mind is better, then sure.”
“You’re not crazy, sweetheart. You’re recovering.”
She scoffed. “It’s been a year. More than enough time to recover.”
“You survived three days at sea in a fucking Zodiac. Storms raging around you. Bleeding. Frozen. Do you understand how incredible that is? What it must have taken to keep that boat from sinking? How damn impressed we are?” He leaned in and brushed his fingeralong her back, skimming across the scar. “Sure, physically, the wound’s healed. But that kind of trauma doesn’t fade like a scar. It festers beneath the surface just waiting to strike. The fact you can’t remember any of it…” He shook his head. “A lesser person wouldn’t have come back from that.”
She pursed her lips, trying not to break down, again, before she’d talked it out. Voiced the one question that had been eating at her since she’d woken in the hospital. “What if I ran? What if I’m the reason everyone died?”
He cupped her jaw, waiting until she met his gaze. “You could have run today after that drum hurt Atticus. Could have waited for the Coast Guard before searching the ship, fully aware you might be outmanned and outgunned. But since the day I met you, you’ve never shied away from anything. Hell, you nearly died at sea, and yet you stepped up when that maniac had Kash and Mac. Piloted us through a storm I can only imagine brought back a bunch of ugly memories, even if it was only in flashes. And you did it again, for Jordan.”
He shook his head, brushing his thumb along her cheeks. “If that was truly who you are, you would have kept running instead of jumping back into the fray. I realize the uncertainty is gutting, but I’ll put my life in your hands any day.”
She pressed against his palm. “I just wish I wasn’t struggling. Everyone else has had their fair share of trauma and seem so much better adjusted.”
Zain laughed. “You think we’re adjusted? It took Foster months to get back behind a set of controls, andonly because Mac’s life was on the line. Kash used to spend half his time literally running with Nyx in the hopes of out-distancing the past. And Chase… He’s treading water because he can’t forgive himself for not saving Sean. So, no, sweetheart, we’re not adjusted.”
“You seem pretty damn steady.”
“So, the fact I run maneuvers every night because I can’t let go of the one time I missed a threat is normal?” He sighed. “Do you know why I didn’t invite you in after that botched date?” He didn’t even wait for her to shake her head. “Rhett’s doctor called, and he’s either waking up or more likely…”
He closed his eyes, his breath hissing out through clenched teeth.
Saylor drew him in close. “I’m sorry. The not knowing’s the worst.”
“The point is, we’re all just trying to muddle our way through without burning everything to the ground.” He rolled his shoulders the way she’d seen Foster do a thousand times whenever things got tense. “Now, before it all fades, you mentioned he was there. Do you remember what that means?”
She inhaled, those flashes flooding her mind.
Zain cursed. “Easy, just breathe.”
