I run the words over in my head. “You might not be in that Order, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a warrior. TheOrder doesn’t encompass the whole definition. You don’t guard anything, do you?” I ask.
He’s quiet, and in the silence, I vow to learn everything I can about his Order.
“I’m a Fifth. That doesn’t tell me who I am, right?” It’s a question that isn’t rhetorical because I need him to tell me it’s not the case—that I haven’t suddenly become some mythical being possessing equally mythical power.
“No.”
I twist so I’m facing him fully, closing the gap between us a little, our knees nearly touching. “Then why does your Order exclude you from being a warrior in a different sense? You fight, right? Fighting isn’t always about physical violence, although I did enjoy that with Crimson earlier.”
His smile widens, and I see a flare of something in his eyes. The comfort I usually see in them is blanketed bysomething harder.
“Be careful with her. She’s been training her whole life.”
“And I beat her at her own game remarkably quickly.” I straighten my back, a swell of pride, I think, running over me.
“Just don’t underestimate her. Any of us, for that. Training for you will start in earnest now and with your… abilities.”
“Being a Fifth?” I cut in. “A magical Order nobody seems to know much about?” I push, just a little, to see if he knows more than Micah and if he’ll give me the information.
“There are people who must know. There are rumours. I guess we’ll all find out now, but don’t wear it like a shield. You’re brand new to all of this, and training can hurt. You know this. Rowan wasn’t kidding when he said Perrin is a brilliant healer. Before the end, he’ll be needed for many of us.”
“The end?” I ask.
“I told you about the trials. The end of training is the final trial. The heads of the Orders and The Chamber will have evaluated us by then and seen what we can do.”
“Whatcanwe do? Don’t they already know?”
“Not always. Trials push us and force us to work together. It’s more than just our powers in a singular sense. That’s the way they design the trials. To make us work outside of normal life.”
Okay, there is too much to start worrying about in that explanation. “And then what?” I move on, or I’ll dwell on what he’s already said.
“Then we move into whatever position or place that’s been chosen for. Sometimes we start a different sort of training, like being an apprentice or joining the army, but then we get to start living our lives as we’ve found our role.”
“Like being a Watcher? Micah told me it was an important position. But you’d never live with your people. Your family.” I think of Lyle and where she is on her way home. If she’ll be safe after what happened in the woods with those men, especially as she’ll no longer have magic, since the Transference.
I drop my eyes, my head sinking forward a little, and I look at the small plate and see one of my favourite custard tarts.
My eyes burn for a second, and I have to push back the emotion. I sit and twist myself back to the table to eat the sweet treat.
He doesn’t say anything, just sits and watches me bite through the flaky pastry and into the creamy filling. It’s just as good as the one Kyra set for me yesterday morning.
Before the Transference.
I can’t believe it was only yesterday.
The memory of stepping into that light, waiting, hearing those words, seeps into my brain. The pain.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Ten’s voice pulls me back, and I see his eyes locked with mine.
“Ahh, I’m just thinking about how fast all of this has happened. I wanted to go through with the ceremony and find out the answers that nobody was telling me. And now…”
“Would you risk it? Everything that has happened to you, the episodes, the blackouts, so that you could stay in your home?”
“I don’t know.” It was the truth. And the constant worry of ‘what if I’ll never be able to answer?’
The weight of the words settles between us. And the lightness of sharing food disappears. My mood darkens, the mood from earlier surging to the forefront, unable to be kept back with sugar.
“Do you still want me to help you?” he asks.
