Luis and Oscar. Those names were definitely familiar. “Oh yeah! Olivia talked about your wedding for weeks. She told me multiple times that it was the best wedding she’s ever been to.” I held out my hand. “I’m Carter, by the way.”
“Olivia’s sister.” Luis grabbed my hand tightly and shook it like we were agreeing on a business deal. “So great to meet you. I have no doubt that anyone related to Olivia must be wonderful.”
“And Olivia told us so much about you,” Oscar added as he grabbed my hand next. “Triplets! Wow. How was that?”
I chuckled, trying to push down the self-doubt I could already feel creeping in. “Pretty crazy, but honestly, most of the time I loved it. My two best friends have been by my side since the day I was born, so I’d say I’m pretty lucky.”
It was true. I loved my brother and sister. I would do anything for them, and they would do anything for me. No questions asked. I thought this was the norm until I heard from some of my friends about their much different experiences with their siblings.
I wouldn’t change one thing about my brother and sister, but unfortunately, their outgoing personalities did cause me to spend most of my life in their shadows. I was never just Carter. I was always Olivia’s sister or Ronan’s sister. I couldn’t even escape it when I went to college without them, because I was known as Marcie’s girlfriend. If Luis’s comment was anything togo by, it appeared I wasn’t going to be able to escape it in New York either.
So much for a fresh start.
I put a smile on my face and pushed these thoughts from my head to keep myself from spiraling. Unfortunately, the thoughts crept in with every new person who came to the party. The “crew” was made up of a variety of people. There were college friends, work friends, friends met while out, and friends of friends. It didn’t matter how Jax and Olivia knew them, though. All sixteen people in attendance at the party seemed stuck on the fact that Olivia was my sister.
Rationally, I knew this was because Olivia was common ground. It gave us something to talk about while we got to know each other. But, there was still the voice in my head telling me I couldn’t escape it. No matter where I went or what I did, I would always be in someone’s shadow.
I hung out for as long as I could, but after a few hours, my insecurities got the best of me, and I made the excuse that the drinks were getting to me, so I was going to bed. Since everyone else was drinking, I figured they probably wouldn’t notice what a blatant lie this was. I had been nursing the same mixed drink all night, because I wanted to make sure I didn’t say anything embarrassing in front of the people I would most likely be spending a lot of time with.
Once I was in my room, I put on my headphones and opened my book. With the way the party was going, I had a feeling no one was leaving anytime soon, so trying to go to sleep was useless.
It felt like barely any time had passed when there was a knock on my door. I took off my headphones to find that the apartment was silent aside from the knocking. When I looked at the clock, I was surprised to find only a half hour had passed.
“Come in!” I yelled to the person who I could only assume was Jax.
The door opened slowly and Jax walked in holding two glasses of water. She moved slowly across the room as if she was hesitant to enter my space.
“Is everything okay?” she asked when she reached the side of my bed.
She set one of the glasses of water on my nightstand while she waited for my answer.
“Everything is great.”
Jax tilted her head at me. “Are you sure? Because, I’m pretty sure theone drinkyou drank tonight didn’t actually get to you.” She pointed at the water glass. “I brought you that just in case it really did, but I have a feeling that was just an excuse to leave. None of my friends said anything to offend you, did they? I know they can be a bit much at times, and they often say things without thinking them through, but I promise they mean well.”
I shook my head. “Your friends were all super nice. Seriously. I liked them a lot.” And I really did. They were easy to talk to, and for people I had just met, I felt very comfortable around them. I could see them being people I truly enjoyed spending time with. It just sucked knowing that I would always be Olivia’s sister to them.
“Too much for one night?” she asked with a sigh.
I could tell she was blaming herself, and I hated that. In just one week of living together, I could already tell Jax didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She really cared about the people in her life, even those she didn’t know as well. “No. Tonight was great. You planned the perfect welcome party for me. Sometimes, I just get inside my own head and the only way to get out of it is by being alone.” I looked down at my comforter and pulled at a loose piece of thread. “Sorry. I’m sure that sounds pretty strange to you.”
Much to my surprise, the bed sank down as Jax sat right beside me and placed her hand on top of mine, the touch causing a weird tingle to travel up my arm. “I don’t think it sounds strange at all. We all have our things. I completely get it.” Her finger stroked my hand as if it was no big deal to touch me like this, and I was sure to her, it wasn’t. Jax was a very tactile person. There was no question about that. “Do you feel comfortable telling me what made you get stuck inside that big, beautiful brain of yours?”
Maybe the one drink did have more of an effect than I thought, because I found myself wanting to share this with Jax. The only other person I had ever really talked to about it was Marcie, and that was years ago at this point. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to mention it to my sister?”
Jax stared at me for a long time before speaking again. “That’s a hard question to answer without knowing where this is going. As your roommate, I feel a lot of loyalty toward you already, but as your sister’s best friend, if you tell me something that seems very important for her to know, I would have a hard time keeping it a secret from her.”
“It’s nothing that she needs to know. She’s honestly better off not knowing.”Because if she knew, she would try to fix it, and she shouldn’t have to.“But I completely understand if you don’t feel comfortable with it.”
“Well, now I’m way too curious. Tell me. You can trust me. I promise.”
I took a deep breath and blew it out. “I love my sister and brother, but because of our much different personalities, I’ve spent my whole life in their shadows. I wanted New York to be different, but…” I cut myself off because I wanted to say this in a way that wouldn’t hurt Jax’s feelings or make her think she was part of the problem. The problem was me. No one else. That’s why I never wanted to burden anyone with it.
“But that’s hard when you’re living with me and being forced into an environment where everyone already knows Olivia. You’re afraid it’ll be impossible to come out of her shadow when you’re surrounded by all of these people who already know her.”
“Exactly.” I smiled in spite of the topic of conversation. It was nice to talk to someone who seemed to understand. Even Marcie had pretty much just blown me off when I brought the concerns up to her.
Jax nodded slowly. “You’re a different person than your sister. People will realize that soon enough, and when they do, they’ll like you for whoyouare, not because of who your sister is. I have no doubt about that.”
