“Are you sure? These past few weeks, it’s felt like you don’t want to be around me at all. I get that you’re busy with work and writing and new friends, and that’s fine, but I just wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Poor Jax. I hated that I had made her feel that way, especially when the only thing she had done wrong was being way too perfect and impossible not to fall for. “I’m sure. Seriously. I just got caught up in my own stuff.”And inside my own head.“I’ll make sure I do better at being present more. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had done something wrong. This is all me.”
“Thank God.” The world’s biggest smile returned to Jax’s face, and she threw her hands in the air, causing Speck to jump off of the couch and onto my lap instead. “I was so worried I had done something wrong. Are you busy today? It’s okay if you are, but if not, can we please hang out? I’ve really missed you.”
“Yes.” It took everything in my power not to jump from my chair and wrap Jax in a tight hug. “I missed you too.”
Jax suddenly looked shy as she picked at the blanket that was lying on the couch. “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”
“Sure.”
There was a tension in the room that was so palpable, there was no way I could be imagining it. It made me wonder if maybe Annika wasn’t completely wrong. The problem was, I wanted to know but I was scared to find out.
Jax sat up and patted the spot next to her on the couch. “You can see the TV much better from over here.”
She didn’t have to say anything else. I quickly got up from my chair and carried Speck with me over to the couch. I tried to sit him in between us as usual, but he insisted on laying across both of our laps, which forced me and Jax close together. Not that I was complaining. Sitting this close to her was such sweet torture. I loved it as much as I hated it. In all honesty, the love was probably stronger, but my sympathetic nervous system apparently hadn’t gotten that message. My body was reacting as though Jax was a kidnapper holding me hostage.
After a few minutes of flipping through movie options, my heart rate slowed down and my pores stopped emitting so much sweat, and I could finally fully enjoy this closeness.
When we agreed on a random romantic comedy that neither of us had ever heard of, Jax hit play. A few seconds later, she hit the pause button. “I’ve been meaning to ask. Do you still want to go skiing in my hometown so I can practice having someone meet my parents? The ski resort opens the weekend after Thanksgiving, so if you didn’t have anything planned with your family that weekend, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come visit.”
“That actually works out perfectly. Thanksgiving day is the only day Olivia and Ronan will be at my moms’. If I’m being honest, I was kind of feeling bad over the fact that Ronan and Olivia had other families to celebrate with. I was thinking about just coming back here for the weekend. Going to your parents’ house sounds so much better.”
It went against everything I had been trying to do these past few weeks, but right now, sitting on the couch with Jax, I didn’t care about any of that. I didn’t want to miss out on moments like this.
After Jax hit play on the TV remote, she snuggled tighter up against me. I could feel her eyes on me, but I kept mine on the screen. “This is really nice,” she whispered softly.
If I was going to tell her how I felt, this was the perfect time, but I couldn’t get the words to come out. Even if Jax really did like me, which I was starting to think might be the case, what did that look like in the long run? When would she become bored of me in the same way Marcie did? The nice thing about Marcie was that I didn’t have to see her after she broke my heart. There was no way to avoid Jax if something went south. Plus, I had my list to focus on. TheNew Carterwouldn’t fall head over heels for the first girl who gave her attention.
I knew what I needed to do. I needed to focus on my list and becoming the best version of myself. After that, I could focus on what these feelings meant and if they were worth pursuing.
I leaned over and placed my head on Jax’s shoulder. For now, I was going to enjoy whatever this was.
Chapter 17
“Where is my bestie-stealing sister?” Olivia shouted as soon as she walked into my parents’ house on Thanksgiving.
I rolled my eyes. She had been saying this same thing ever since I mentioned to her that I was going to Jax’s house after Thanksgiving. It was all playful. She had told me multiple times how happy she was that Jax and I had finally become friends since we were her two favorite people.
Jax was quickly becoming one of my favorite people as well. Ever since our talk, we had fallen back into our normal routine, which felt so nice. I did make sure to leave time for Annika too since we were friends now, but most of my nights ended on the couch with Jax and Speck.
Speaking of Speck… he quickly ran past me through the hallway, and a moment later, I heard my sister and Quinton greeting him. By the time I reached them, Speck was lying on his back, demanding belly rubs, which Olivia was happily giving to him.
When she saw me, she stood to her feet. “There she is.” She looked around the hallway. “Where are Mom and Mama?”
I pointed my thumb back toward the kitchen. “They’re too busy cooking like crazy to come greet you.”
Olivia nodded. “And is Ronan’s family here yet?”
I shook my head and looked out of the window by the door to see if their car was suddenly in the driveway. “Not yet, but they should be any minute.”
Olivia hugged me, then wrapped her arm around mine. “Let’s go say hi to moms and try to steal some food.”
I chuckled. “Good luck with that. I tried to grabone crackerfrom the charcuterie board Mom was setting up, and she slapped my hand away.”
“I’ll be able to. Iamthe favorite daughter now that I’m living closer.” Olivia squeezed my arm. “Speaking of being far away, are you excited to go to Vermont tomorrow?”
Excited was an understatement. Jax had left to go to her parents’ on Tuesday night before I was back from work. I hadn’t been planning to leave for my parents’ until this morning, but ended up coming the night prior because my apartment felt so empty without Jax. There was nothing I wanted more than to be back with her, even if our time together was going to involve me crashing and burning on the ski slopes.
