“Shit, Cope. I can explain.” Jude spun out of his seat to face Cope.
“Explain? Yeah, you’d better. On the napkin, Jerry says he can’t wait to sink his teeth into you.Again.He’s calling youloveron the phone. What the hell, Jude?” Cope was swamped with jealousy. He’d never had much trouble with it before, but this morning, he was full up. His stomach churned with anxiety and his hands were fisted on his hips. He couldn’t remember being this angry in years, maybe even decades.
“Cope, I-” Jude paused looking like he didn’t quite know what to say. “I can’t control what other people do. I didn’t ask for Jerry’s number. He gave it to me and I stuck it in my jacket so I wouldn’t look rude.”
“You gave him your number, Jude!” Cope fired back. “When we adopted Wolf, we got on the same phone plan and you wanted to change your number. Probably so that none of your previous lovers,” Cope made air quotes over the words, “could reach out to hit you up for a booty call.” Cope wouldn’t say it out loud, but he’d been glad Jude wanted to change his number to start their marriage out on the right foot. But now, looking at what had happened over the last twelve hours, Cope couldn’t help but think he made a mistake trusting Jude. “Why did you give him your number?”
Anger flashed in Jude’s eyes. “Because I was drunk and feeling happy! I wasn’t thinking about you or the kids or consequences. I was just living in the moment.”
“How many other times were youliving in the moment,since we’ve been married?” Cope knew he was rapidly approaching the point of no return, where he’d say something to Jude that he couldn’t take back. Regardless, Cope charged forward, taking advantage of the moral high ground he found himself atop.
“Don’t you dare ask me that!” Jude shouted. “You know damn well I’ve never cheated on you. I’ve never even thought of it. Never have. Never will. I’m here every night with you and our kids, unless I’m working.”
“How do I know you’re working?” Cope asked, knowing he’d crossed a line that he couldn’t uncross. “Ronan and Fitz are your best friends, they’d lie for you if push came to shove.”
“If that’s what you think of the three of us, then you don’t know us at all.” Jude crossed the kitchen and kissed the top of Lizbet’s head. The little girl had stopped eating the Cheerios on her highchair tray and had been studying her fathers as they’d been yelling at each other.
Without sparing Cope a look, he walked into the living room, slipped on his coat, grabbed his keys and walked out the door, closing it softly behind him.
Cope followed into the living room. He stood in the front window and watched Jude get into his car and drive off. He hadn’t slammed the door. He hadn’t revved the engine and made the tires squeal when he pulled out of his parking space. Jude had left without making a sound.
“Well, fuck.” Numbly, Cope sat down hard on the sofa. The place where they watched all of their family movies, ate popcorn, andlaughed together. Laughing was the very last thing on Cope’s mind at the moment. Truth be told he wanted to cry.
He’d blown his marriage up over a cocktail napkin and a text message. Made Jude think that he didn’t trust him. Worse, he’d upset Jude so much that his husband walked out of the house. He’d been with Jude for seven years, six of those married and in all that time, neither of them had ever said or done anything to cause this kind of upset. “Until today,” Cope said to his empty living room.
He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and opened it to Jude’s number. Cope’s finger hovered over the button. Maybe he should wait to call and apologize. Jude would be driving and he didn’t want to do anything that would cause him to get into an accident, well, more than he’d already done.
Sighing, Cope got off the sofa and headed back into the kitchen. One thing was for certain, he owed Jude the apology of his life.
4
Jude
Jude drove around aimlessly for over an hour. He’d driven down the coast through Swampscott and Lynn, before turning around and heading back toward Salem. He’d set his phone in the holder attached to one of the heating vents, but it never lit up withan incoming message. Not from Cope. Not from Ronan or Fitz telling him what a fucking dumbass he was. Complete and total radio silence.
It was possible Cope hadn’t told anyone what happened between them. He and Ten were good friends, but neither of them shared deep, dark secrets when it came to their marriages. They would commiserate over Jude and Ronan’s varying feats of dumbassery, but when it came to arguments or fights about things that were truly monumental or consequential, each of them kept their own counsel.
On the other hand, Jude and Ronan often shared marriage hardships with each other. Ronan had been the one who talked about his bout with performance anxiety, with Jude telling him tricks he used when he had the same problem. Both men had walked away from the conversation feeling better and more settled, knowing the other had been through the same struggle. But this, what happened earlier at home with Cope, was something Jude was staying quiet about.
He would love to talk to Ronan about what an asshole he’d been, both last night and again this morning, but was too ashamed to dial the number. In all the years he’d known Ten and Ronan, they’d never been through anything serious enough to cause either of them to think it might be time to walk away from the marriage. Right now, Jude wasn’t sure he could say that about himself and Cope.
Prior to coming to Salem and meeting Cope, never once had it crossed Jude’s mind to settle down with one man. His entire adult life had been one continuous party with one night stand after one night stand. Maybe a lucky fucker was booked for a return engagement, but those instances were few and farbetween. “So many men, so little time,” had been more than a catchy bumper sticker, it was the mantra Jude lived his life by.
After he’d come to Salem and met Ronan and Tennyson, he’d started seeing that neither of his friends felt like they were missing out on anything by only being with each other. That alone had come as a huge shock to Jude, but the fact that Ronan truly missed Ten when they were apart, blew his mind.
Jude couldn’t think of an instance in his entire life when he’d missed someone. Maybe he’d been lonely from time to time, but that wasn't the same as feeling bereft without the company of a specific person. Over time, Jude learned that finding one man and settling down wasn’t the anchor around his neck he’d thought it would be. In fact, when Cope came along, he was mostly ready to take the plunge and stop seeing other people entirely.
Of course Jude had told Cope all about his colorful past. He tried to be as vague as possible, while hitting the salient points concerning his HIV status – Thankfully negative – and his most recent STI panel – Also, thankfully, negative.
He’d thought it would be hard to give up his seat at the buffet table of men life had to offer, but surprisingly, he’d never once missed the anonymous bathroom sex in the clubs or trying to remember the name of his current one-nighter.
With Cope by his side, Jude had flourished. He’d grown up and taken responsibility for what went on in his life. He committed to Cope and later adopted Wolf and said, “I do.” They’d bought the house across the street from Ronan when it came on the market. Nursery school applications and episodes ofSesame Streetwere foremost in Jude’s mind rather than his subscription to porn sites and making sure his bedside table was stock abundantly with condoms and lube. Their family had beencomplete when they’d adopted Lizbet nearly two years ago. Life had been wonderfully complicated and messy over those last two years. He wouldn’t have traded them for anything in the world. But now, thanks to his asshole behavior, Jude might not have a choice.
Even with a little bit of booze in his system, he’d known he’d been sailing very close to the wind at the policeman’s ball. Jude might be a reformed bad boy, but the one thing he’d never been able to walk away from was the attention others paid to him.
Last night, thanks to the Hannigan case, all eyes had been on Jude. Technically, on Ronan and Fitz too, but the governor herself made sure to single Jude out for his excellent work, same with the lieutenant governor, and Salem’s mayor. It should have been a quick leap for Jude that people would want to get close to the detective who’d been cozied up to three of the most powerful people in the state, but he hadn’t made that connection until it was too late.
Sick of driving around, Jude parked the car at the Salem Willows. He was the only person in the park, which wasn’t a surprise with it being January, the cruelest, and coldest, month of the year. He turned off the engine, leaving the keys in the ignition and got out of the car. The wind off the water instantly chilled him to the bone. Good. Jude needed the slap in the face the weather would provide.
