PROLOGUE
Ronan
John Adams Elementary School, 1991…
Five-year-old Ronan O’Mara loved circle time. He got to sit next to his best friend, Mikey, who was a fart prodigy. Some days, they sounded like jazzy trombone blasts, others like a high-pitched flute. No matter the tone, farts were funny. At least, Ronan thought so.
His teacher, Miss Gail,wasn’ta fan of Mikey’s Mozart-like musicality. When he’d let one rip, she’d raise an eyebrow and ask him if he needed to go to the nurse’s office. Ronan never understood why gas was a reason to see the nurse but wasn’t about to ask. Snack time was up after sharing circle ended, and he didn’t want to delay getting to the good stuff with a boring explanation from his teacher.
Circle time was when everyone shared interesting things about themselves. Ronan had told a story about a turtle he’d found at the park pond. Mikey’s family was going to take him to a local amusement park for his birthday this weekend.
Most of the stories his classmates shared were a snoozefest. He couldn’t care less about girls going dress shopping or to pick out new Barbie dolls. When the last kid in the circle shared news of a new puppy, Mikey trumpeted the end of circle time with a juicy toot that sounded squishy to Ronan.
“If Mikey’s finished cutting the cheese, you can all grab your snacks and milk.” Miss Gail got to her feet and rushed back toward her desk, where she kept a bottle of water and baggie filled with homemade chocolate chip cookies. Ronan watched her eat one with envy.
His mother, Erin, worked a lot of hours, and when she got home at night, she barely had enough energy to make Ronan dinner, never mind a batch of delicious homemade cookies. She did her best with packing his snack every day, including store-bought cookies, Twinkies, and little bags of chips, which were Ronan’s favorites.
“Kimmie, I’ll trade you my orange for your Pringles!” Musical Mikey said, holding an unpeeled mandarin in his hands.
“Okay!” Kimmie agreed. She handed over her chips and caught the small orange when Mikey tossed it to her.
Ronan opened his Batman lunchbox to find a zippy bag with three Oreos, a small bag of barbecue chips, and an apple. He groaned like the box was loaded with brussels sprouts and cauliflower. “I got an apple.” He held it up in hopes someone would offer to take it off his hands. There were no takers.
The other kids groaned along with him. “Mary, I’ll trade you my apple for your pudding.” Ronan offered his brightest smile. His mother often told him what a handsome little man he was, and Ronan wasn’t opposed to using his charm to get what he wanted,especiallywhen chocolate pudding was involved.
“No way!” Mary ripped off the lid of her pudding and dug in with her plastic spoon. “Mmmmm! Chocolate is my favorite.” She ate another spoonful. “You want some now, Ro?” She opened her mouth, showing the wad of pudding sitting on her tongue.
“Ewww!” the rest of the kids chorused with delight. If there was one thing kindergarteners loved, it was something disgusting, hence Mikey’s popularity.
“Ronan, I’ll trade you my pineapple cup for your chips!” Ralph Smith held up the fruit with a little shake of his wrist.
“Okay!” Ronan handed over the chips and took the pineapple. He pulled the cover back a bit and set his pointy teeth on the rim before sucking the juice like Dracula. “Mwahahahaha! I’m a vampire!” He held up the cup and dumped all of the pineapple chunks into his mouth, making his cheeks bulge like a chipmunk.
The kids laughed at Ronan’s antics. He loved his role as class clown and was always looking for new ways to make his friends laugh.
“What do have for a snack, Cindy?” Ronan asked the little girl across the circle from him. He didn’t see a lunchbox or snack bag near her, just her carton of milk.
“I forgot my snack at home.” Cindy offered a tiny smile and went back to her milk as if she were savoring every sip.
There were a lot of days when Cindy forgot her snack at home. Ronan mentioned it to his mother, and she’d told him that Cindy’s mom didn’t have a lot of money for snacks. He knew his mother didn’t have a lot of money either, but she always got him his favorites. Getting up from his place on the carpet, Ronan sat beside Cindy and offered her his Oreos. “I’m full from all the pineapple.” He patted his belly. “You can have my apple too.” He held out the shiny fruit.
“Fanks, Ro,” Cindy said. She took a tiny bite from the apple and grinned at him.
“Do you want to hang out with me at the after-school program today?” Since Ronan’s mom worked so many hours, he stayed later with the other kids whose parents weren’t home when class was dismissed.
“Maybe,” Cindy said, looking tentative. “Are you gonna fart like Mikey?” Her little nose wrinkled.
“Why, don’t you think farts are funny?” Ronan couldn’t imagine a time in his life when hewouldn’tthink ripping a big fat juicy one was the height of comedy.
Cindy shrugged her little shoulders. “Mikey smells like something crawled up his butt and died.”
Ronan snorted milk out his nose and started to laugh. He used his sleeve to wipe the milk away. Best of all, Cindy laughed along with him. The other kids started asking what was so funny, but Ronan was laughing too hard to answer.
There was nothing better than laughing with his friends. Tonight, he’d ask his mother if she could pack some extra snacks for Cindy, but in the meantime, he had a funny bathroom joke to tell about a pterodactyl.
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Ronan
