This is what it feels like.
Dimitri is mine. He always has been, and I nearly didn’t survive what he put me through. The only reason I did was because I made that stupid fucking promise to him. To find out that it wasn’t him, and the way that he felt about it all is fucking hard.
I don’t know how to handle it.
I desperately want to forgive him, it wasn’t him. I know that now. But it was his face that the monster wore while screaming those horrific things at me.
If I’m being honest, and let's face it, if you can’t be honest with yourself in the middle of a raging fucking storm that you created, then when can you? I’m terrified that I won’t be able to forgive him.
I’m terrified that the memories will pull me under any time I look at him.
That would destroy me and him.
Hell, Coen too.
Movement in the corner of my eye distracts me, and I glance over to see Coen in his dragon form fighting through the weather. Lightning strikes him, and I growl, my magic reaches out and wraps around him, surrounding him and protecting him from the onslaught.
His gaze locks on me, and he heads toward me with a speed that is impressive.
When he gets to me, he steadies himself, his wings holding him in place as his huge dragon eye studies me closely, understanding and sadness in his gaze as well.
Reaching my hand out, I touch his nose, realizing that my eyes have been leaking again.
Stupid eyes.
“Love?”Coen’s voice echoes in my mind.
“What if I can’t forgive him?”I ask, crumbling.“I want to, but what if I just see all the horrible things he said and did?”
“Oh Neith,”he mutters.“You already have. That’s why you can’t let him go, that’s why you don’t hate him despite everything that he did. You forgave him a long time ago, and every time that he did something, you forgave him, because that’s who you are and because the connection that you and Dimitri have goes beyond a spell, beyond the realm of normal, Neith it goes beyond love.” He nudges me to make sure that I’m still listening, “Be cautious, be wary. No one is telling you to jump into his arms, and honestly, knowing Dimitri, he’s going to want to make it up to you even though it wasn’t his fault. Hell, be fucking mad at him for getting involved with someone like Casimir in the first place, I know I am.”
“Anger I can deal with,”I mutter back.
I hold onto that because, actually, I am fucking mad at him for that. Especially after all the lectures he gave us about trusting other supes.
He chuckles,“I know. This is an impossibly difficult situation to navigate, but I will be there every step of the fucking way. It’s going to take time, especially if you do see the bad when you come face to face with him, and he’s in prison for a while, so you’ve got time.”
I growl, and thunder booms.
“Opps. I don’t like that he’s in prison, although I know he deserves to be there after the things that he’s done. Hell, even if you take away the shit that he did because of Casimir and did with us, he would still be there. That’s why I had to do my time with HID. How did you get away with it, actually?”
“He kept us out of everything, remember? The only reason that they knew about you is because you told them you were involved so that you could take them down.”
“Which apparently he knew about too, and made sure to keep me safe,”I frown.“Even with the control.”
“I’m not surprised. He may not have been able to control what he said to you and how he treated you, but I doubt anything could override his needto keep you safe,”Coen replies.“It’s why we get along so well, Love. We understand what it’s like to be irrevocably owned by you.”
A tear drips down my cheek.
“Stupid eyes,”I mutter.
He chuckles,“We’ll figure it out. Everything happens for a reason, even if we can’t see what that reason is right now.”
I sigh.“I guess I should stop the storm.”
He shrugs, “Only if you want to. It’s not causing any harm up here. By the way, that was fucking amazing. All of it. You’re incredible.”
I smile and then kiss his big dragon nose, making him make a kind of purring sound that weirdly resembles the thunder.